Two Dead, Wolf Blitzer to Blame

 

 

Reports say two college seniors have been pronounced dead of alcohol poisoning after an election day drinking game spun out of control.

Two Fi Beta Cappa fraternity brothers were playing a drinking game while watching election results in the fraternity house Tuesday evening. The names of the two seniors have not been revealed, but witnesses report that the two students had committed themselves to taking a drink every time they heard Wolf Blitzer say a predetermined list of words.

The two seniors were political science majors and were set to graduate in the spring. It is unclear yet how much they had to drink, but one witness is quoted as saying, “They were going at it like crazy. They had about 20 words up there on the board and had like five cases of beer and a couple of bottles of tequila. They had to do shots when anyone said the phrase ‘too close to call.’ It was [expletive] insane.”

This is not the first time that an incident like this has occurred. During election night in 2008, three students were hospitalized with alcohol poisoning after deciding to drink as long as a news correspondent was standing in the middle of a 3D rendering of statistical information. All three students recovered in that case.

Reached for comment, the president of the college remarked that, “If this is what young people consider ‘getting involved in politics’ is supposed to be, then we’re all doomed.”

No word yet if the school will investigate the safety of the fraternity in question, but one freshman rushing the fraternity who asked his identity be withheld said, “I didn’t think this is what I was getting myself into. I might not even want to be in this house. [Expletive], I’m an independent for God’s sake.”

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Music: Magic/Science

The world for me is an awe-inspiring, wondrous place. Much of what is out there and what is real to me is amazing on par with a magic show. The crushing cold of space and the jaw-dropping reality of it’s expanse and the life cycle of a star wows me. I can watch in tense excitement every episode of BBC’s Planet Earth series and be floored. I am amazed by literature, art, biology, politics, history, science, and religion. As a jack of all trades and a master of none, the limits of my expertise make for a constant learning experience and roller coaster moments of learning and comprehension. Nowhere in my life is this any more clear than my childlike fascination and borderline obsession with music. Music for me, a man who would miss his cues on a slide whistle, is like watching a magician pull a rabbit out of a hat; I know there’s a trick and a way he does it, but damned if I’m not stupefied every time I see it done. But I’ve always wondered what it’s like on the other side of that coin. Does an artist, a master of the craft of music, still hold that infantile wonderment for the same trick, even though they have their own rabbit and hat?

When you really think about it, paintings, photography, writing, or any other form of art was something in the mind’s eye of one person, and they took the fleeting specter of form and function, wrestled it to the ground, and made it real. The artist took something from their brain, and translated it into the real world. They made the imaginary real, and this is perfectly exemplified in great music. A song, an album, becomes a link of our genome; it is now an identifying marker and a defining characteristic. Every track we experience is another layer of paper mache on the wire frame of our lives. A particular song can transport you to another time, place, and can bring memories and moments rushing back that you didn’t even know you stored away. Music will make you cry, smile, and want to tear the world down and rage, depending on the track you’re playing. This range of emotion can be experienced in the span of a few tracks in your iTunes. I cannot count how many times I have listened slack-jawed and breathless to a new album. It’s all sounds and words, same as any other song, but it was crafted and created to be something new, exciting, and something that speaks directly to me despite not having been crafted with me in mind.

People will travel hundreds of miles to see a band perform live. They will camp out over night for tickets and will stand in line for hours to get in the front row. Musicians hold as much sway as their music in our lives. You love these artists. You love the creators of what you love because, through their music, there is a visceral and human connection that spans the reality that the artist doesn’t know your name and has never met you, but for some reason you feel such a connection to what they have done for you through their art. How do they feel about it though? What is their relationship to that same creation that some will say might have saved their life?

MC Lars

In keeping with the idea of music that touches your heart, maybe something that got you through rough patches where you might have otherwise given up, MC Lars says, “The trick is to always be excited and make music for yourself.” Hmmm, seems to run contrary to the idea that you, the listener, took it and hung all your hopes and dreams on every note and lyric. Lars makes it for himself. Every musician I have spoken to says the same thing. POS said the same thing, almost verbatim, about making music he loves, and if other people like it too, then cool; but he’s not making this for anyone but himself.

Matthew Zeltzer

The best musicians, the ones that resonate with the audience, make genuine music from the heart, and some of the most hardcore fans seem to gravitate to this. Levon Helm said, “I ain’t in it for my health.” This might ring true, because this isn’t just a paycheck for the road warriors and independently minded few. This is a calling. Matthew Zeltzer explains,“There is a lot of pressure as a songwriter to write a hit, but my philosophy is to write first and market later… After spending a lot of time in the studio, you start to notice all the little details in music- how the acoustic guitar player is linking up with the drummer and where the bass player is laying his line, how high up the vocals are in the mix. For me, this really just increases the magic, because I’ve started to notice what goes into making a great record great.” So, maybe we’re getting somewhere. Understanding it is like opening up the back of a running watch and seeing what time looks like, mechanically. 4:30 means something completely different when you know about all the gears that went in to the design of a single second.

Amy Arani

We know that you’ve gotta be genuine to get the respect and the loyalty of a fan base. These kids listening to the music may not be able to rap, or play an instrument, but they still feel the music in their bones. How do the artists process that same feeling when they listen to music on their iPod? Amy Arani says, “I still experience music as magic. The only difference now is that when I love something or find myself feeling moved, I know how to take the song apart later and break it down.” So there is that wonder we all feel up front, in the moment, but she is able to take it apart later and understand WHY she loves it down to the chords and harmonies. So is this the heart of the thing? Maybe it is not that the magic goes away, it is the knowledge after the show that there was a false bottom in the hat where the bunny was the whole time, or that with a proper mechanic’s grip shuffle, the card was able to “rise” to the top of the deck. The trick is no less fascinating, but once you learn how the grip works you can gain that wonder from an audience of your own and feel that music…from the other side.

Dessa Darling

I thought seriously about learning to play piano or guitar months ago. I never did, and probably never will, because I fear that it will change what music means to me now; I can’t risk losing that feeling. Songs are the dog-eared pages in my book of life. I can relive those great moments of elation or tragedy any time that I want in my mind by simply selecting a track from my library. Like a child, I listen and am gripped by the magic of music. I don’t care much for the science of it; this is the medium where art and science blur together for something greater than what either side can achieve on it’s own. My mind and soul are lit up in a million strobing colors by music of all types; my catalog spans 8 decades and every genre. I have my fingertip on the button of any trip I want to take in my mind, and Dessa Darling seems to think that is the place where music creation, and experience, can reach it’s height: “Good music is magical, but perhaps it achieves the greatest heights in our imaginations. Musicians bodies are limited–our voices have only such a range, and our fingers can only move so quickly. But when we compose music, we’re governed by none of those limitations. The trick is to usher the idea into the world with as little damage as possible.” Now if that’s not a good answer to the question, I don’t know what is. Just press play.

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Warped Tour: “Punk Rock” or “Punk-life?”

I suppose there is a lot that can, and has, been said about the Warped Tour in it’s 17 years. I’ve been one of it’s detractors in the past. This is my third consecutive year covering the Warped Tour and I don’t shy away from admitting that I have been one of those strong voices questioning it’s current validity as a “punk rock” tour. I was so vocal and adamant last year that my editor had to post up my editorial with a big, red disclaimer, fearing the burning of bridges from the venom with which I spoke. This year I have decided to do this for her and post this editorial on my own site, effectively putting myself at arms length so I can express to you my views without getting anyone in trouble but myself. With that said:

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED HERE ARE ONLY THE RAVINGS OF THE AUTHOR AND DO NOT REFLECT THE OPINIONS OR IDEAS OF ANYONE BUT HIS DAMNED SELF. I TAKE FULL CREDIT FOR THIS IF YOU LIKE IT, AND IF YOU DO NOT, THEN I CONTEND THAT MY SITE WAS HACKED WITH THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF UNDERMINING MY AUTHORITY ON THE FOLLOWING SUBJECT. 

The Warped Tour has had a long a winding road to where it is today. Major corporate sponsorship and the influx of even political entities, including Libertarians last year, has soured the truly punk roots from whence it came. This year I decided to take a very different approach in covering the event and did the interviews that probably brought you here. I wanted to examine the existence of hip-hop and rap on the tour and possibly discover why this seemingly antithetic form of expression and art has been allowed to operate through all these years.

On message boards on the Warped Tour site you can find strong opposition to it’s place on the tour. Listeners and concert-goers seem almost unified in their distaste for such “shit” to be taking set time on any of the seven stages that should rightfully go to truly punk rock acts. I, for one, feel that the punk rock moniker attached to the Warped Tour is no longer defined as a genre, but as an ideal that permeates every act no matter if it is the electro-pop, screamo, or even hip-hop. Punk rock is an idea, a way of life, and when thinking in these terms, hip-hop belongs on the Warped Tour as much as August Burns Red.

The Dangerous Summer

Warped Tour is a machine designed and run by large corporations who are in it to make money. I highly doubt that the people who choose the line-up are fans of all the artists on it. Do you think that booking 3OH!3 or Gym Class Heroes is anything but savvy marketing to sell tickets? Deep in the list, between acts that sell the majority of the tickets, are gems of self-expression that will blow your mind if you give them a chance. There are those acts that do it because they love it. I am not discounting the desire and love of the music of the headlining acts, far from it, but I am saying that you will find bands grinding it out on fan at a time. You will discover artists that have nothing but love for their fan base and think in terms of albums and crafting music “from silence to a full song,” as Budo would say.

Hip-hop, in this fashion, has always been a part of the Warped Tour. A lot of people like boxes. You need to compartmentalize all the options in the world or else you’ll go crazy. Music is no different. If you really just let it all go without comparisons and genres then your mind would not be able to cope with the unending amount of choices one has. There are more songs out there than any human being can listen to in their lifetime if they had music running 24/7 from birth to death. So people look at genres and decide that things are different, belong or don’t belong, and want to trivialize art like music in to boiled down generalizations that truly hurt the expression that can be found with any one act.

Grieves

There is indie vs. mainstream, underground vs. overground, black rappers vs. white rappers, East vs. West vs. South vs. Midwest, and on and on. People, and the industry, like to break these acts up in to whatever categories seem appropriate for comparison. This hurts the music. Grieves said it best when he told me: “Would you like that song if it wasn’t on MTV? It’s like, if you like that music, why can’t somebody else like it, too? And why is it a bad thing that MTV is playing the music that you like? You hate MTV for playing the shit that you hate, but you would like them if they played the music you like, but when they play the music that you like, you hate that guy now.” It seems that there is an ever-present war between categories where no one can win, almost always the artist, and people are feeding in to that.

MC Lars

If you are one of these people who enforces the lines that divide then I guess this one is for you. You are a hardcore metal fan and think rap is shit and all rappers are the same then take this under advisement: MC Lars wants to have a kids hip-hop TV show like Yo Gabba Gabba to share the power and positivity that can come from hip-hop. A little shocked? Yeah, I was, too. You don’t think that is indie, it’s not hip-hop? Well, what the fuck is indie? You might think it is a sound and an idea of “fuck the machine” and “I don’t give a shit.” Well, indie is simply a business model. There is no sound, contrary to popular belief. Indie is a way of doing business outside of the major labels and doing your thing on your own. It is unadulterated self-expression without anyone tugging on your marionette strings. Producing and hosting a children’s rap TV show might be as indie and outside the box as you can get, and that is punk, too.

Weerd Science
Budo

I asked Grieves and Budo about whether or not they felt comfortable on the tour. Grieves boiled it down like this: “We’re all artists out here and we’re all trying to make a living, and we’re trying to expose our art to people. I don’t feel any different from the guys in Winds of Plague who I got to meet on this tour. They are some of the heaviest, hardcore, most metal-ass dudes, and they are the shit. They are are cool-ass dudes.” These are all artists out here. Yes, it might come in different forms and different sounds, but at the end of the day it is all about exposing people to the art each of these groups make. MC Lars feels a bit more out of place, but he told me, “Punk rock is about being yourself, and that makes us [rappers] some of the most punk acts on here because we are doing what we want and following our hearts. Yeah, I feel out of place, and I feel like when I am in line at the catering line in the morning I don’t have any tattoos, and here that is rare, but it is cool because we are all doing what we love and we’re having fun and getting good reactions.” I’m a writer and this inspires me to do it independently after hearing words like this. It is art and everyone here is on a hustle, so what is so different about one act to another when you boil it all down to simple self-expression?

The Acacia Strain

MC Lars is completely independent with his own label, Horris Records. Grieves only recently joined Rhymesayers Entertainment, and I would call Rhymesayers a major-independent label. MC Lars just released a free mix tape that you can download at mclars.bandcamp.com. Lars has no problem if you steal his music, he gives it away, but he just asks that you share it. This has somehow been good for his business and he is growing. Free music, “steal my music?” Wow, talk about working outside the box. Grieves is not one to pull punches about his sound, his passion, and how fed up with bullshit that he is. Sure, they are lyricists and they rap, but music is music and you can’t question their diehard love they have for what they do any more than you can question the heart of The Acacia Strain or The Dangerous Summer.

So what is the Warped Tour? It is obviously not just punk rock music, but it never was just that. Katy Perry and Eminem have done the tour and I don’t see any of them repping the punk rock music flag. Warped Tour is now, and probably always has been, a collaboration of the mainstream and the independent side of things, and independent hip-hop must be represented if not just from an idealistic standpoint. It is an amalgam of musical genres and acts, adhering to a myriad of business models, out to express themselves and reach the widest audience possible; the story as old as time. This is a corporate machine using non-corporate components for profit, but this isn’t exploitation as much as it is a symbiotic Faustian deal. They always have said that you can do more damage inside the machine than outside, and this is a parade of acts doing just that to be able to continue to say “fuck you,” but with a larger fan base. I would liken this to two wholly different industries consensually sodomizing one another. Each is getting their rocks off to their own benefit, but they aren’t looking each other in the face while they do it. If you want to fight the machine, it can help to be one of the cogs for a bit, but as long as you avoid the molds on the assembly line, then the punk ideals will always live on no matter how many Kia stickers you slap on it for a summer.

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