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Masticate on the madness of the month of mars my masses of misanthropic miscreants

Do you smell that? That is the smell of March Madness in the air. It is that time of year when bets are laid and many start to find out all that they can about the competitors. This is that sacred month where the end is in sight and those involved can see their chances shaping up as they prepare to do battle for that sprint to the finish; ready to roll the dice in a no holds barred competition for that coveted top spot they have been working so hard for the last year. How fitting that this month named for Mars, the God of War, sees the beginning of the end for those that can’t pass muster and the ascension of those whose names shall be recorded in the history books of victory…and there’s a college basketball tournament, too. I of course am talking about the sprint to the 2010 California primary which has seen more action in the first half of March than in the whole of the campaigns so far, from Brown entering the race, Whitman hitting the airwaves on a ‘book tour’, a Republican debate, and even threatening messages received at the Poizner camp, which is ‘just politics’…ahhh, March.

This month really started off with the inevitable bang as Brown announced his official candidacy for governor. Though it was a small affair he did appear on Larry King that same day to further his cause. Brown entering is but a blip on the republican radar being that they are busy destroying each other and putting distance between their pasts and one another. But Brown coming in was a long anticipated move that, though anticlimactic, has him running unopposed in the primary with no opponent to debate, fight, sling mud at, or poke fun at. This situation leaves all eyes on Whitman and Poizner who are making quite a show for the sake of the political process and as such, they have all the headlines and attention right now.

It has been a veritable Whitman-palooza on the talk show and pundit circuit with Meg Whitman, or “eMeg” as she has been named by the newsertainment wizards, doing a little TV tour for her conveniently released new book titled “The Power of Many”. Oddly enough this release comes on the heels of Poizner directed smear commercials and campaign ads which she has had rolling over the air nonstop for months now. They have gotten especially distorted and salacious recently, so the timing of her benevolent new book should draw some attention from her negative ads. She has appeared everywhere from being narrowly escaping a Neil Cavuto verbal groping to sparring with Glenn Beck who made Whitman look downright moderate when matched with his anti-California rhetoric he was spewing. She also appeared on the Today Show with Matt Lauer where she did some very good campaign finance deflection and an extended segment on Morning Joe where she seemed to be fairly pandered with very softball/stump speech questions.

Whitman has done an amazing job in looking and sounding very capable and knowledgeable…in her field of business. There were a couple of little things I caught in her appearances though. Besides the aforementioned dodging of campaign budgets, she also explained a very counterintuitive idea she is toying with to cut costs. As she explains it her experience in business is always about doing more with less, and the first place she would cut overhead to try and balance a state budget is head count, i.e. state staff. The first thing she would do is fire employees to save money and streamline the government. This is of course after she has just highlighted the California is ranked 48th in job friendly states and has the second or third highest unemployment rate in the country. She does go on to explain that she will get people back to work in California…well she is gonna have to because if she gets elected about 40,000 state employees will be losing their jobs by the end of the quarter, but we’ll get you back to work soon.

Her 30 years in business has also taught her that we need to cut welfare time from five to two years and make people work for their welfare in order to cut costs in addition to working with the schools and teachers unions to cut costs in education while trying to get our 48th ranked K-12 education system up to the number one spot. She does all of this pontificating between those very perfectly coined phrases, of course the one she repeats on every single TV appearance in the one her mother taught her, who is in her new book “The Power of Many” on shelves now, that what we can do together we cannot do apart. If that were not vague enough for you I love that she talks of her potential constituents in such broads terms. “I think Californians are scared”, etc. I love that having never met me, or anyone I have ever met, that she knows that I am scared. It is audacious to tell me how I am feeling and then serve up cold-hearted corporate solutions on national TV that you think having some kind of soothing affect. More accurately I am pissed, appalled, and sick, and none of your ideas so far are the Vick’s Vapor Rub to what ails me.

All of this aside her team is masterfully pulling off a well orchestrated show between the seemingly benign and misleading commercials to the well-timed book tour on television, to even threatening messages sent by the Whitman campaign to Poizner’s offices. What, you say? Yes, there were messages to Poizner from a staff member for Whitman threatening him and pleading with him to drop out of the race or they would destroy him and his career. Whitman initially disavowed all knowledge of the threats, but only days later admitted she knew what was happening and the purpose behind the messages. If memory serves me right she not-so-coolly huffed it off as just politics today. Her tone may have been fairly gentile, but the statement drips with audacity, as if threats should be acceptable as part of the political process without so much as a second thought. A little light has shown on the stripes of our fair and gracious leader as much as it has shown on her opposition.

Then finally there was the debate this week. I had hoped for a show stopper, something so shocking and racy that to air it would have needed a pay-per-view subscription. Alas, what did occur was a white gloved verbal duel where both opponents were pulling punches and doing nothing more than throwing together excerpts from their favorite speeches and the policy choices that polled the best. I would have loved to hear about past voting records, cross-party contributions, questions on the ebay-craigslist trials, and some queries as to the validity if those threats. Anything would have been better than the mind numbing hour of cordial talking on a stage that went on. It was so hyped, for months just trying to get one to happen, and what followed was a jaw warbling session that didn’t move anyones support meter either way, therefore it went to Whitman. Much like tie going to the runner in baseball, the claim of victory in debate goes to the most recent poll leader, and that is Whitman in spades.

I can’t put my finger on what makes eMeg such a powerhouse. It might be that she has been flooding the airwaves with her face and message. It might be the simple moniker of former President and CEO of eBay, a steadfast cornerstone of modern americana. What seems to make the most sense in relation to the polls is a combination of her ad campaign budget and Poizner’s apparent weakness. Poizner is no master orator. His speaking voice leaves much to be desired with an accountant’s tone that hints at a slight waver, something I noticed in the debate. One could not say for sure, but I would not scoff at him seeming weak by wearing glasses, some Lasik might do him wonders to seem relatively stronger on TV and in debates, though he would not be able to pull a dramatic David Caruso move to make a point. Whatever it is, Whitman seems to come across to the people as a very competent, and most importantly shrewd, business woman; she hides have fangs well and Poizner’s accomplishments with GPS in cell phones is not glamorous enough to give him any in the eyes of Joe the Plumber.

This has been a very exciting month not only for specific happenings, but the visibility that is coming from the republican party. These candidates are now getting their faces all over the place with any half-cocked idea as to why. Meg “wrote” a book for God’s sake. The circus is putting up the big tent and these performers are pulling out all the stops and all the dirty tricks. Whitman is just smashing Poizner when she can and is getting more attention, but Poizner seems to just be talking it and oddly biding his time, if he is smarter than he looks then that is his plan. If he is as dumb as he looks then he just doesn’t know that he has lost yet and is in there hoping that Whitman might tucker herself out with all her crafty and nasty tricks. Unlikely, seeing as she is a 30 point leader over him in the polls and Poizner sounds like a nerd that should be doing my taxes, not leading my state. The gloves are off and the Republican candidates are striking blows at one another. Mars would be giddy to look down on the month March and see the battle being waged within its weeks; oh one tip though, don’t pick Purdue to get out of the second round, if even that, sleeper tip. Go, March Madness!

Democrats have their CA candidate…Let the Jerry-atrics begin

or: Democrats are doing flips with their official candidate…let the Jerry-nastics begin

I thought it would have been a massive gala event. I was under the impression that this inevitable day would have come with pomp, circumstance, and more than a few balloons. In my mind I saw a podium, campaign signs, and a stage filled with people facing a crowd of hundreds cheering and going on under a downpour of confetti to the tune of some Bruce Springsteen guitar riff. What I got was a three minute and seventeen second video on his website. No applause, no music, and certainly no pomp. Just a simple web video with Jerry Brown in what appeared to be a personal study circa 1975 declaring his official candidacy for Governor in 2010…(insert chosen party favor sound effect here)

For agonizing months upon months we all waited for Jerry to declare. While mud was being slung among the candidates in both parties, Jerry stood silent. While poor voting records, bi-partisan donations, and adultery scandals came to light, Jerry stood silent. In the time both Campbell and Newsom declared and withdrew, Jerry stood silent. And even as Meg Whitman’s poll numbers climbed out of the cellar with millions spent to make any opponent nervous, Jerry stood silent. Like a political Yoda he simply did nothing until it was time for action, and on Tuesday, that time came.

In his anticlimactic declaration video Brown showed an energy and excitement about the issues that face this state. His age has concerned me, as I think it will the voters and become subject of editorials, but I saw a virility and an immediacy in him that was absent of the similarly aged McCain during his campaign. He outlined a few platforms and hit a few major points as would be expected. What I loved in the video, and the Larry King interview the same day, were the thinly veiled digs at his republican opponents. Speaking of buying a candidacy at 150 million for Whitman’s campaign and a “mere ambition” to be governor in Poizner, he showed a readiness to get in there and throw a tight 1-2 punch.

He also spoke of this not being a campaign derived from a “scripted plan cooked up by consultants”, another dig at Whitman, but this kind of rang hollow for me. In the video and the Larry King Live interview I counted “partisanship”, poisonous or otherwise, spoken five times; tied with “focused” for most mentions. He said “knowledge/know-how” four times, and spoke a clear campaign linchpin “insider’s knowledge and an outsider’s mind” once on each stage. I don’t care how gold you want to stay Ponyboy, but these are scripted talking points that he was clearly instructed to mention. He is a career politician, and this cannot be discounted in that he knows what needs to be done to win a campaign and the kind of language that needs to be used to convince fence straddling voters and stir up the natives.

I shuddered at the chilling phrase “politics as usual”, I knew I had heard it before, and with a little research I found archive video of Sarah Palin saying it in her introduction speech in 2008. Now, on it’s own the phrase is innocuous, but depending on the source it’s like a pop can in a paint shaker, could blow up in your face. Jerry Brown was Governor for eight years starting in 1975, he was mayor of Oakland, ran for President, and of course is the state attorney general, don’t talk to me about ending politics as usual. Brown, I hate to say it, but you are the “usual” in that statement. At 71 years old you represent the establishment, the man that the freak power movement railed against. Sure, in 1975 he was the youngest Governor in California, chidingly given the moniker of “Governor Moonbeam”, but if elected this year he would be 72 at the time of taking oath, setting a new record for the oldest Governor in California history. When he mentioned grassroots all I could think of was the fact that a majority if his former voting base is literally in the roots of grass; activating those roots is not going to take political bullshit, but fertilizer. You’ve got root beer on you, Jerry.

Coming out of Brown in one single day, on two stages were the golden oldies of political jargon. Words like “smoke and mirrors” are the classic politico babble that are designed to illicit specific reactions and responses. He can’t help himself from doing it, it’s his life’s work, but I don’t think he should try and sell himself as the sweeping winds of change or the glaring alternative to how things have gone. I do like that he highlighted the fact we tried the untested, inexperienced outsider for almost two terms, which almost made us miss Gray Davis, and makes a point that we don’t need it again (another republican candidate dig), but to think I am obtuse enough to not notice that you are almost three times my age is a little insulting. He will be hanging his hat on experience as a key factor to being elected, obviously, so don’t try and sell yourself as anything but a ‘return’ to a career politician who has been there and done that.

In his video he talks about bi-partisan politics, and getting everyone to the table for something like the budget. In the interview with Larry King on Tuesday he explained that it was his intention to not just have two representatives from each party at a table to make a budget, he wanted every single person in the legislature in the room together to make this budget, day after day, and month after month, until they got it right. I am not much of a societal expert, but I would think that going from five guys in a room to 121 would only complicate the issue further. Imagine trying to placate 120 representatives to balance a state budget hundreds of millions of dollars in the red already in this entrenched, ‘not on my watch’ political atmosphere. I wonder if there is a Holiday Inn conference room we can rent out for the duration, or at least Thunderdome.

Brown went on, wanting to get environmentalists and oil companies together, unions and businesses, democrats and republicans, saying we needed to act as Californians first. While he is at it he might get the KKK and the black panthers at a table together. He’ll get Bobby Rae to put down the lynching rope and douse the flames on his cross long enough to get the two factions to act as “Californians” first. I think this is little more than pie in the sky thinking that is another one of those campaign ploys that will be unrealized. With each of these groups mentioned there are vital, fundamental issues at the core of their ideals that cannot be bridged or pacified. No matter the apparent ease a decision might be able to be made with, if you get these entrenched groups to come together, there will be blood and venom before conciliation or understanding.

I got a bit of a chuckle out of a statement by King that both Poizner and Whitman camps issued statements in reaction to Brown declaring on Tuesday, “this is about the future, not the past.” Indeed. This statement makes me laugh since Whitman runs adds about her past accomplishments as an Ebay executive, and Poizner wants his record in the White House and his position as Insurance Commissioner highlighted. I guess the past they don’t want spoken of is Brown’s arm length service to the state of California. I am sure Whitman would like to avoid her voting record, campaign spending projections, and the fact she just converted to ‘Reaganism’ a few years ago. Poizner would love nothing more than to forget blaming a 2000 recount contribution on his wife, as well as his embellishing of his role in the Bush White House, but he’ll talk about inventing GPS in your cell phone. It is this kind of paradoxical statement that threaten cognitive aneurism if your politico intake is not carefully monitored by a physician.

What Brown does need to focus on is the present, though, since he might have a tough road to hoe, eventually. With a week to go before the campaign declaration deadline, he is running uncontested in the democratic primary. This may sour some voters, given the fact that they don’t get a democratic choice and that Brown probably will do little before June to make himself a public candidate on a trail of any kind. Brown will continue to play savvy and work on the campaign coffer so as to conserve his limited funding shells for the offensive over the summer. Brown has been so good so far, waiting out scandals and ugly politics as well as seeing the departure of two out of four of his opponents, including his only democratic rival, Newsom. (I mean, that guy fell from grace like Wyle E. Coyote through a cartoon trap door) Whether or not he will continue his sideline campaign or get in to the big game contests with opponents will depend on whether his opponents come after him at all; knowing these two so far, chances are good they will attack him on something, bringing the might of nearly 50 years of political acumen to bare on their respective camps.

I had always questioned his willingness to wait, not knowing whether it was senility or savvy that kept him out of the race until March, and the deadline. I think it might have gone on too long though. Even though there is such a long way to go, and still a shell has yet to be fired from his trenches, Brown might want to worry a bit. In a very recent Rasmussen Poll Whitman is apparently locked in a dead heat for voters right now with Brown at 43%; other polls have him ahead by as little as 5%. Compare this too late last year, before he declared and when Newsom was still in, and Brown enjoyed 40-something numbers as more people didn’t know who Whitman was than would vote for her. With the ebay CEO tag and almost pornographic spending on the airwaves she has closed the gap to make her a figure now challenging the game plan of Governor Moonbeam.

Should he be concerned though? I think what is going to happen is a firestorm of controversy and finger pointing in the Republican camp over the next few months, grabbing all the headlines, leaving Brown with no controversy of his own, it’s tough to pick a fight with yourself and get the headlines for juicy claims against an opponent. I fear that his unopposed campaign will have to do little, leaving all the salacious campaigning to those that need to separate themselves early to get the nomination. Brown will not get many primary votes, no one is showing up to vote for a candidate that can’t lose, as a result he will not get that real momentum boost a campaign gets after a win in the primaries. With no ‘win’ he won’t have that fiery speech he would otherwise make about the victory, a big step, and next stop Sacramento, etc. Without the conflict and the initial victory, he will lumber through June instead of gaining steam and punching through to July as a nominated candidate.

This might be a blessing in disguise though as fundraising could make for a tough hill to climb. With only 13 million raised thus far he is going to have to work the appearances and sponsors. Since projections show 150 million being spent by Whitman and some 50 million by Poizner, it might be good he won’t have to expend finite funds on the primaries in June. This will allow him to conserve his rush for the home stretch a few months later when the ear of the public is more tuned in to the candidates and the airwaves as a result. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jerry got himself some heavy hitter help in his campaign on the funds front now that he is officially in the ring, so don’t discount his meager means at the moment.

One thing that did make me wonder was a comment King made about whether Brown wants Obama’s support in his campaign. Brown stumbled a bit and didn’t say no, but wanted to run an ‘independent’ campaign activating the grassroots to garner support. He did correct that he would love Obama’s support, he wants everyone’s support, when King asked whether Brown was distancing himself from the President. This arm length distance might not be a bad idea. Look, Obama doesn’t exactly have the Midas touch right now. Forget the economy, health care, etc., I am talking about little personal projects and vouches. Obama has come back empty handed from pleading with Patterson in New York, got a republican elected in Massachusetts for the first time in like 60 years, and could not get the 2016 Olympics in Chicago, losing to Rio, the most dangerous city in South America; Obama is delivering the antithesis of the ‘Colbert Bump’ so far in office, so you can’t blame Brown for sidestepping the presidential endorsement like a steaming pile on the sidewalk.

So now that he is in, what can will Brown do for you? My mind wanders to some spoof on the UPS Whiteboard commercials. I can see that long haired d-bag in dress casual with his marker speaking like a snake oil salesman on Prozac selling me on the services Jerry can offer. The word “TAXES” with a circle and line through it. I can see the name “Whitman”, shaking his head at it, erasing the “W” to reveal “hitman”. Watch him drawing a see-saw with a fat kid on one end and a tiny kid on the other, but somehow he draws it balanced, “just like the California budget, some say it’s impossible, but not with Brown, 2010.” I know, a visual pun, or play on commercialism, but it fits.

With his hat officially in the ring time will tell what his course of action will be. I have tried to pin him down and have been way off every time out, so I will react to him, not try to divine his future. I suggest a slow and methodical plan up to the primaries gaining campaign money and then making the big push in the home stretch. I would push for debates immediately after the primaries, a series of three over six weeks at least, some time in September/October, maybe earlier. I am so new to this, whatever he does is going to surprise me, but I think we can get a good grasp on his main ideas and know that this feisty sea-dog of the political scene is going to make his best push to end his career on top in California. One thing is for sure, he doesn’t need this gig for glory or to further his career, shit, if he served two terms he would be 80 when he left office, and if experience and wisdom are what we are looking for, by that age he’ll be able to deliver it, from an environmentally friendly pair of “Depends”. Ahh, ending on a poop joke, indeed.

The Campbell down, The Poizner benevolent, The Whitman silent, and the Brown meditates

Darwin’s greatest theories are of evolution and the survival of the fittest. Basically, from my limited understanding of one of the most paraphrased and least truly understood theories in modern science, and one that give agnostics and atheists a big soft one in the fight against the religious right, that the millions of years of evolution and natural selection has bred away the weakest of our genes and traits to leave us with the cream of the crop; the thinning of the herd as it were. In nature this shows itself in those animals that can’t pull their weight or defend themselves getting picked off by disease, hunger, or the occasional predator. Man has interrupted the selection process with medicine, science, and does its best to counter this theory and let everyone, no matter how incapable by nature’s standards, live a life. In politics the theory of natural selection is alive and well and akin to an injured gazelle, an incapable candidate is weeded out not by disease, hunger, or a predator; they are picked apart by public poll numbers, lackluster fundraising coffers, and the alpha males dominating their hunting grounds. So is the story of Tom Campbell.

Much as I had foreseen a while back, Campbell had struggled to raise the funds and the name recognition he needed to compete with the likes of Whitman and Poizner in the 2010 Gubernatorial election here in California. He struggled raising money and getting his name out there against the mountains of cash his competitors were raising, and spending out of their own pockets. Though Campbell was running a distant second to Whitman and had a big lead over poizner in the most recent polls last month, he seemed to be third in the headlines week to week. Tom Campbell wasn’t a flashy guy in what has become a flashy race to Sacramento that is going to cost at least $100 million dollars in total campaign spending by the remaining three candidates, which is conservative. The road to Sac Town is paved with bitch, benjamins, and moet…not the kind of guy Campbell is.

As Poizner said in a statement on Thursday in regard to Tom leaving the race, “I may not have agreed with all of Tom’s proposals, but I admire his attention to policy and his willingness to present detailed specifics.” Poizner is absolutely right is his not so veiled back-handed slap to the face of Campbell, Campbell run a very specific and precise campaign with very detailed plans on how to solve the problems of the state. Campbell was by far the most qualified individual in the GOP race, so in this respect Poizner is all too happy to see him go, being that the “10-10-10 plan” is the best, and worst, Poizner has to offer at the moment with no specifics as to how to get there, just a clever idea. Campbell presented the most dangerous candidate as things were to get down to the wire, but it turned out he was the Joe Lieberman of the Governor’s race…not enough charm to fill a paper bag.

But don’t worry about old Tom Campbell, he will be fine fighting a much “easier” race for the U.S. Senate seat to dethrone the omnipresent Barbara Boxer against the likes Chuck DeVore, an ex-aerospace executive, and Carly Fiorina, ex-HP CEO and McCain Campaign Advisor. It is clear that Campbell will be much more capable in this new competition. Tom was looking to find a place where he could effect the most change, according to his video statement, and the Senate was where he could do the most good. I take this statement the same as I take all the quotes I get from politicians, with a spoon full of sugar, and a shot penicillin; it’s hard to get down, and it’s probably going to make me sick. Campbell himself admits that he could not compete with the financial powerhouses in the race for Governor, which is just about the ONLY reason for the change if we’re not blowing smoke here, but I have all the confidence in Campbell though, in his race for Senate, since the move to this dogfight will not be the same uphill battle that running for Governor was. I mean, when he was running for Governor he was competing with the man that basically invented cell phone GPS and the woman who basically built Ebay. Now it is such an easy fight against the GOP candidates in the Senate race; he only needs to beat the woman that basically built Hewlette-Packard and a rocket scientist…oh, oh no. I have a sneaking suspicion he’s gonna miss the frying pan.

Well what does this great Darwin moment leave us in the race for Governor? Well, the big three I felt would be standing, despite speaking well of two horses that have now been put down Barbero after such a valiant fight (too soon?). I liked Newsome, but he was too progressive. I like Campbell, despite him being Republican, but he was too “Huckabee”, so now it is between Whitman, Poizner, and Brown, to find the odd bedfellow that is just right; but ‘just right’ I mean the one that is going to spend honest to god truckloads of cash to subliminally burn their vague platforms and policies in to our cerebral cortex without truly knowing what this state is like for 90% of us. Yes, From here on out we have only three options for the Governorship and they are all about as shaky as Grandma after 70.

What has this race deteriorated in to? I am blown away by the spending on either side of the aisle right now, with the GOP far in the lead. I am so glad Poizner is getting in their to duke it out with Whitman with $15 million of his own dollars finally, which I think is going to result in some very interesting ads and signage as he moves forward. Really, the only thing that is going to get attention in this race, or any election for that matter, is scandal, and if you hope to play ball with a woman basically putting her campaign on her VISA card, you had better bring the dough to buy the biggest mud slinging machine money can buy. I can only hope for the best mud amongst the GOP, they do it so well and so blatantly while I think Democrats are not nearly as good at truly slamming their opponent, since they almost veil their commentray while GOP candidates will do everything including accusing Democrats of literally coming to your house and executing that shaky Mi-Ma of yours…in front of a bus full of uninsured children.

This race is a scary one for me though. My beloved, lone wolf, Brown, has yet to officially announce, as I say every time I write these. I did some research and I found out that he can wait up until March 17th to file officially…so we could be around for a while waiting for the old bastard to do whatever the hell he thinks he is doing. Either this old bag is utterly senile, or he might just be Yoda incarnate. The man has single handedly spent about nothing, relatively, while enjoying great poll numbers, two opponents entering and leaving the race, and his remaining opponents are burning through money like it’s a post-apocalyptic world where money has no value but as a heat source. Watching Brown wait on the sideline is like trying to figure out what a monk is doing just sitting their meditating…Fucking move man, how can you just sit there so long!? Indeed.

What this race is going to lack is drama, I think. See, what this country salivates over more than celebrity romance and the McRib, is political drama, real or sensationalized, it doesn’t matter…I think we actually prefer the fake stuff, like Kool-Aid. This country loves intrigue, drama, and tension, especially in California, I mean this is where we literally make shit up, Hollywood, so you know we like our salacious slander and libel. The problem here is that the herd we have thinned out was never big enough from the start. Losing two of ten is not a big deal, but losing two of five is just fucking tragic. We are no longer in possession of enough candidates to get a real ‘firestorm’, ‘war of words’, or even a decent ‘donnybrook’. All we got here is a manage e trois when what we need for the headlines and the publics undivided attention is a 70’s style orgy. I mean this race could really use the political versions of hot pants, polyester, and all natural bush; I have no idea what those equivalents are in politics, but I think you get the point. This race can’t get the people on their heels if the best we got is the rumor that Brown banged Linda Ronstadt in the back of a Buick.

Well things have come along and we’ve lost one more man, this time to the seemingly more treacherous fight against the Boxer. These days candidates are toting their fundraising efforts and making more appearances as well as gathering endorsements and fine-tuning their platforms for the different groups they plan on pandering to. As Poizner puts his new money to work and Whitman keeps up her hammer-jack assault on the voters, Brown will inevitably stand still and silent as the great meditating State Att. Gen. Many will come from far and wide to sit idly on the sidelines upon his mount and watch as the others in the race scamper about. The Brown is very wise, the story of his years are told in every wrinkle, and their is a lesson there for those willing to learn it. He will strike when the time is right, like the great Bengal Tiger. The Brown knows that striking too early would be premature and pouncing too late will leave his stomach just as empty. No, patient is the Brown, and trusting the followers be…besides he’s only got until March Goddammit, then the fucking cat has GOT to get loose, so count your days Gazelles, they’re numbered.

Ho, Ho, Ho-ly Shit…

…are you seriously NOT officially campaigning for Governor yet, Brown!?

or: RIP Poizner Campaign, June 2009-not soon enough

It has been a few weeks since I wrote on the election, which looking back over what I missed, is not a big loss. As per usual the four major candidates are pretty much in a holding pattern with none of them gaining or losing much ground, as a recent poll shows. There is only so much stock I can put in public polls taken of only 2,004 Californians, but that sampling size isn’t so bothersome when it is measured against other polls that have one glaring similarity, no one gives a shit yet. As of right now more people don’t know, or don’t care enough about the candidates to have an opinion. With possibly the most pivotal election in state history on the line, it seems that the holiday spirit has, until now, sucked anyone’s interest in milling through the pile of information that is there for the reading on every single candidate, choosing instead to fist fight soccer moms for holiday gifts.

2010 is a crucial year for both parties on a national level. Both parties are worried about the upcoming election, the republicans are so worried that they designed their ‘purity test’ to weed out and cut all ties to moderates in trying to appeal to their conservative audience. The democrats should be mighty worried in the house and senate as their recent policy activity and their presidency has had what one might call ‘a rough year’. With so much on the line in every office that means something, it seems that the public-at-large is more interested in Tiger Woods’ adultery and endorsements than who might be leading this country for the foreseeable future. With so much on the line it seems ridiculous that American voters aren’t informing themselves on the local elections and the measures that might be up for a vote so far in advance, so as to arm themselves against the propaganda that flies as the time for a vote draws near.

My biggest concerns reside with Jerry Brown as he has yet to officially announce his candidacy for Governor of California. Meg Whitman has spent major cash to garner the numbers she has got in the recent polls, and she is creeping up on old Brown. If that wasn’t enough, Poizner, God bless his heart, announced that he will FINALLY drop about $15 million of his fortune in to his campaign, though this is coming as too little too late for the far-third running GOP candidate. With his two major opponents ramping up with major cash Brown still feels like a southern gentleman sipping a mint Julep on the bench swing of his fine plantation, paying no mind to the banjo hillbilly music and musket fire baring down the road straight for him. Brown is perfectly content to stroke his mustache and dab the sweat from his brow with a handkerchief he tucks neatly in to the breast pocket of his Hudsucker suit on such a balmy afternoon. The fucking Rednecks are arming up, it’s time to declare war, you soft headed Kentucky colonel!

When Brown first announced that he was forming an ‘exploratory committee’ to look in to running for Governor, back when Newsom was still scampering about like a wild eyed idealist, I thought it was very savvy. Slow and steady wins the race, so let the little tike tucker himself out and then hide away in the biosphere of San Francisco to figure out what went wrong. It is only then, after Newsom was gone that I thought Brown would rise and bellow from the mountain top that he was the once and future king of California, and he would be the man to lead us in a better direction. As of yet, Brown has piled on the fundraising for the campaign coffer, so when there is a campaign he will be plenty funded to face off against the independently wealthy dillusionals that think somehow if you can run a company you can run a state…still looking for THAT logical connection.

Brown is now looking to be a little senile as his GOP opponent Meg Whitman has started to buy the very votes and recognition she needs to compete with old man river. She has spent millions hiring the best campaign team she can and has blasted the airwaves with terrible ad after ad of misinformation and non-descript rhetoric to start to get in to the homes and the back of the minds of the voting public. Brown’s ‘wait-and-see’ approach is now starting to cost him the inherent lead he had, his handicapped score, over the opposition, which was fine when they were no one and he was going to go official soon, but now it seems he has waited too long. It would be ill-advised to announce this soon before Christmas, and he would get lost in the commotion of the holidays before the New Year, so it seems that his best bet is to officially announce his candidacy and go on the offensive towards the end of the first week in January, another three weeks away!

I cannot understand what he is waiting for. Thus far Tom Campbell is now up to 20%, second to 34% of Whitman, which is a gain over the last poll, closing in on Brown leading everyone with 42% support. Now, I will admit that yes, in any hypothetical scenario Brown can beat the pants off everyone, but he is trailing dearly under age 35 with little to no recognition of him, which is where a campaign would come in handy so he could reach the younger likely voter! If the old bastard would make some serious appearances and go on the campaign trail, like everyone else in this race, then I think he would have stronger numbers than he already does. Instead he sits up in his ivory tower, doing God knows what, while the GOP natives are building ladders to snatch him by the hair and toss his ass in to second place in the polls. Whitman is foaming at the mouth for support and as far as I can tell Brown is actually dozing off on the political sofa watching Conan.

The climate right now is perfect for Brown to swoop in and take this state, it could not be better. With a major crisis in place, put there by government spending and a celebrity republican who has grown more moderate by the year, his record of service and fiscally responsible ideas in addition to his championed fight for businesses and groups against fraudulent and illicit corruption, you might as well put an “S” on his chest for what he could do with California. I know that there is a resistance to career politicians right now, a recycling of politicians as it were, but Brown has every scenario he needs to win, including fat cat millionaires with little to no experience, and associations with lacking voting records and mired in conflicting policies and actions; he’s up against a very wealthy version of tweedle-Dee and tweedle-Dum…and Tom Campbell.

Whatever his reasons for not jumping in, his strategy once he is in the race is clear, he needs to reach those under 35 who do not know the California he ran. Brown needs to appeal to a similar base that Obama appealed to. I know, those people are now kinda feeling unceremoniously penetrated without the courtesy a reach around, but what works in his favor is that this state brims with those that want change from the path we are on, and the antithesis to what Schwarzenegger was is what Brown can be. Brown can be charming, disarming, and can speak in a way that can move people to action. No one in the running now can hold a candle to the record of service Jerry Brown has had for the ‘people’ throughout his career in this state. Brown is synonymous with California and success as well as defending and working for people, not companies and corporations, which is sadly who gets the help and makes the decisions in America these days, and the very entities Poizner and Whitman are famous for making. If Brown can reach the younger voter and drive home the point that he has been there, done that, and can do it again, derailing this bullet train to “Fuckedtown”, then he will be fine, but first he has to be on the ballot!

On another note I would like to say a fond farewell to Steve Poizner on this campaign in 2009. Steve has filled me with laughter as much as shock and anger, and it would not have been a fun ride without him. Despite his $15 million he is dropping on his campaign he is currently riding a very pitiful pony in third place with 9% approval rating, far behind the thoroughbred double digit geldings that Whitman and Campbell are riding. I foresee him dropping out of the race in the next few months. It is simply not his year with Whitman being such a formidable millionaire to campaign against. There is only really room for one rich, white person with no experience in each race for public office, and that person is Meg Whitman. Poizner, with his goofy look and inventing GPS shit and computer stuff cannot hold a GE lightbulb to Whitman’s appeal and ebay prowess. Between these two, Whitman has the recognition of success and the vague, ambiguous policy rhetoric designed and manufactured by a crack team of blood thirsty shysters, and old Poizner hasn’t a chance as “insurance Commissioner”, which no one gives a shit about.

Poizner’s days are numbered being that, with six months to go, the best he can do is volunteer teach at some po-dunk school or sit with 6 people in a room and call it a ‘small-business council meeting’ while Whitman rubs elbows with McCain and waxes nostalgic on insider trading deals with Mitt Romney. The poor bastard has no clout, a shitty record of contradicting himself, and worst of all no pizzazz or flash. Whitman is visibly more approachable, warm, and is a better public speaker. Whitman is like a terminator T-1000 model, designed and programmed for one purpose by the Cyberdine Cybernetic campaign team she has assembled to mobilize Skynet and destroy Steve Poizner. He has not quit yet, but I would not be surprised if he is out before March. He has no business getting in to a public debate at single digit poll numbers with the likes of Whitman, Campbell, and Brown; imagine Beatrix in the wedding scene from Kill Bill, but with a town hall format.

Whitman probably feels pretty good right now seeing the numbers she has, but I can imagine her surprise to see Campbell, with almost no resources, trailing her moderately closely this late in 2009. I am sure she felt that she could be 20 points ahead come December, but Campbell has been killing it with great platforms, sick deficit balance proposals that even I like, getting him on a debate stage with her would rocket his numbers. This is what Campbell needs to hold on and hope for, he just needs to stay within 15 points on Whitman until March, and once Poizner is out and GOP debates come in to play, he can crush her on the public forum. I can see the headlines “Campbell Crushes in Debate; Whitman stunned.” If I were a Republican I would be voting to Campbell, the guy has his shit together and his fundraising is going a little better so I feel a chance for the guy up to the primaries if he can get his name out there and get some of the seriously undecided/uninterested voters on his side.

I don’t have any stats to back this up, but I have a theory about the general voting public and their voting decision making; Party, Pandering, and Pussy. First off people in general election often vote along the party lines, this is where you have your liberal and conservative bases that will vote along the party lines every time without fail. This is who they identify with and often these are the ‘registered’ reps and dems. after this base you have the moderates and middle of the road guys, who vote for the person that panders to their needs and desires of the moment. Whatever the candidate can do to fondle the cockles of this groups heart, they will do just to get the vote and support. This fringe group living in political purgatory is gold for a majority vote and is where all ads and campaign promises and policies are aimed at, so with enough pandering a candidate can get them. After this you have the scatter-brained, who just don’t know or don’t pay enough attention and just vote on here-say and gut; they vote for the one they least think is a pussy. This odd amalgam of people follow a simple set of rules, they want a Governor that can kick your Governor’s ass, so to speak. Not saying they aren’t informed, but they don’t really care about pandering and don’t have enough of an opinion to be swayed by policy, they just look at a guy, read a headline and look for the most badass quote, “Hey, that guy is no pussy”, sold.

Whatever the voter’s outlook, the campaigning for 2009 is over. It would take a monumental announcement or headline to grab attention away from shopping and egg nog, not to mention ringing in the New Year with loved ones. So for now I think our candidates are circling Newark airport due to heavy fog until January 2010, which is going to be a fire storm of a month with new cash flowing in to every candidate’s campaign coffer at one level or another. The guns will be drawn, Brown will finally throw his hat in the ring and will hit the ground running as the GOP loads up cash cannons and fires them in every direction just for attention. The debates will be three way, one GOP candidate is leaving the fold to save face and lick their wounds, I’m looking at you Poizner, and Brown will have successfully waited out two candidates which will make him seem so wise. This has been a hell of a race so far and I am looking forward to more campaign blunders, misinformation, a complete disregard for decency, and an undermining of everything these candidates are trying to achieve. I might get another one of these campaign pieces in before the end of the year, but if I don’t I want you to remember: Poizner is a tool, Campbell is a dark horse, Jerry Brown might be Yoda, and of course Whitman came back in time to kill John Conner…seriously.

Well if it isn’t our old friend, the two-faced politician

or: Brown smartly appeals to younger voters, GOP entrenches for further in-fighting

The gloves have come off for the holidays; the season of pomp and cheer being replaced with an air of accusation and jeering. It seems that the three major candidates are already dealing with crises, the GOP candidates especially seem to still be trying to separate themselves from one another and, by smearing the next guy, trying to make it a vote that consists of just ‘not voting’ for the greater of the evils. Brown has had few PR issues and is now making some smart moves appearing at a fundraiser recently to get out and damage control the ‘recording scandal’ while Whitman and Poizner and both dealing with yet another round of unflattering facts coming out under scrutiny of the platforms and merit badges they point at to show their qualifications. So early in the campaign these candidates are already doing more repairs than improvements to their campaigns as this shapes up to be less of a ‘race to the Governor’s office’ and more of a pushing and shoving match to grab the last slice of pizza at a frat party.

Steve Poizner, third place GOP candidate with essentially no chance of winning even a ‘participant’ trophy at this point, has been cut down in some of his claims that, under his leadership as Insurance Commissioner, the state has seen a reduction to insurance costs to the tune of nearly $2 billion. Analysts at Consumer Watchdog seem to conclude that this figure really is inflated by $800 million since these cuts were set forth by Garamendi, Poizner’s predecessor. The Mercury News goes further to explain that Poizner, in fact, made some changes in May of 2008 to actually make it easier for insurance companies to hike up rates in certain sectors totaling $282 million in price increases. Poizner’s people, of course, defend his actions by saying that necessary changes were made and cite that the decreases of overall cost are factual, and no matter who initiated the changes, Poizner approved them and set them in motion.

Here is where you need to question the facts. There are facts that contradict one another under Poizner’s actual effect in his position. You could argue that he has simply been a custodian of the Garamendi legacy as insurance commissioner while doing little of his own work. It seems that Poizner’s people, as with all other candidates, cite facts, and they are facts, that paint him in a good light. They aren’t all out lies, what is more closely related to the reality of the situation is that the facts have been shaped and are stated as vague enough that you can’t call him a liar or a lame fish because he gets to tote the accomplishments of the office he hold and does not have to state what he has actually done. This creative manipulation of stats and facts shows up again when he beats the drum of cutting department cost by 15% overall and cutting staff by some 200 or so. Those numbers are a bit inflated and it seems that he should not be claiming this as his accomplishment being that the mandate for those cuts came down from legislature and the Governor due to the state deficit. So Poizner really should be claiming that he was able to operate within the constraints of a failing economy in California; he’s a good ‘Yes Man’.

Jerry Brown has faced a similar issue in the ‘recording scandal’ that was never really a scandal per say. Like Poizner’s claims being ambiguously inaccurate but not entirely a lie Brown has faced the same scrutiny in his poorly handled internal investigation of the incident that saw one of his senior aides resign. But Brown has chosen a very clever strategy of finally taking the offensive in fundraising and doing something that is entirely necessary in his campaign, he is reaching out to those that don’t remember ‘Brown’s California’…the young people. In a stroke of genius, in my opinion, the 71 year old Brown spoke at a club on the Sunset Strip to a group of 20, 30, and 40-somethings, called the Generation for Change. This is who he needed to reach out to, those that either were not alive or have no real recollection of what he did as Governor so long ago. This is a group of progressive professionals that may only be able to recall Brown in his ’92 bid for President, which failed, so it is vital that he reach out to this voting base and either change the impression they have of him, or give them an impression at all.

Brown, in ’92, ran on a campaign finance reform idea that he would accept a maximum of only $100 dollars from individuals and organizations; smartly he has abandoned this platform commenting that it is impossible to do this today in a state race and that if Whitman was willing to return the contributions to her campaign and take back the nearly $20 million of her own dollars she has spent then he would agree to a $100 maximum contribution rule for this election…unlikely though. Brown was able to get the group to laugh, he very creatively explained away claims that he changes all the time, “Well, if you are alive and if you are listening and you are growing, you will change, because the world is changing, and if you still were where you were before, you are dead.” He was able to outline the problems we face in California with a deficit, but he spoke to the fact we all seem to forget, that California has a state wealth of $1.6 trillion…it’s not all bad since our deficit is only about 1% of our overall wealth, this can be fixed.

I have to say here that I have a growing respect for the ‘campaigning Brown’. He is making a lot of good decisions thus far in so many different areas. The fact that he let Newsom burn himself out was a savvy decision on his part, to say the least. Brown has also now started to reach out to the younger voters with an air of charisma and has handled the recording scandal very well hushing it down to mere whispers. He is positioning himself with his record as a man of age, a career politician, that has changed with the times and is human in his maturing and changing over the years. It has to be said that he has also done a great job in highlighting issues of the election in a light of optimism and speaking in more constructive and positive terms, also avoiding name calling and negative ads, which can’t be said for his opponents. Brown is on a roll with great poll numbers and alliances with powerful players to get through the primaries unopposed and unscathed. When the debates start is when he may be tested, but by then there will be so much negative press for his opponents that it seems he will have no problem cutting them down as inexperienced opportunists with very negative, short histories in his beloved state.

Now we come to Meg Whitman…wow, this woman is running an insane campaign right now that seems to keep springing leaks that money can’t plug. Most recently she has had to contend with tax returns that only further highlight her inabilities as a recent conservative convert and business woman. Recent tax returns show that a foundation she is a director of contributed $200,000 dollars to the Environmental Defense Agency in the struggling delta of California. This is the same group that, since running for Governor, she has criticized and come out against as an opponent of development and farming jobs. She gave the group she is campaigning against money to support them, odd to say the least. Being that she only recently started voting, and the fact the only more recently she registered republican, in addition to he funding of projects she now opposes shows she is trying to pander to the conservative right to get in to office without regard for what she really believes.

If this weren’t enough two other facts have come out to destroy her claim of being a savvy business woman. I have written before of her poor record of running Ebay in the last few years at the company, nearly ruining Skype, and now there is more facts to support this claim. As with many different foundations in 2008 it took a bit of a hit with the failing markets, but her foundation took it particularly hard, at the rate of nearly 50% loss of equity. This might have something to do, though, with the fact that about 79% of the company’s value was represented in Ebay stock at the start of 2008, by the end the number was closer to 15%. This coincides oddly with her sitting on the board of directors at Ebay until late 2008. at the start of the year stock value was at about $33 a share, when she left they sat at under $15, since she left Ebay entirely they have seen an increase of stock value to nearly $24 a share under the direction of new acting CEO Donahue. A weird coincidence to say the least; though some losses were inevitable in 2008, under her direction in the last few years, during a national crisis, she has not performed well to stop financial blood letting in ventures she participates in. Anyone can succeed in a good times, but we need someone who can succeed during crisis, her record speaks for itself on this front.

Where we find ourselves is at a point when the three big names in the campaign are at very different points of decision. I feel that Meg’s projected $150-million dollar campaign will get her to the general election, but that is simply because her GOP rivals just cannot compete with her name recognition and propaganda team. Brown will skate to the general election with ease and he has yet to officially be in the race. Poizner has some serious soul searching to do as he is not closing the lead Whitman has and has no chance against Brown if he made it to the general election. Poizner should try to save face, dropping out soon, and reload for a position in the state people give a crap about before he jumps in to the Governor’s race. The primaries will embarrass Poizner as Campbell and Whitman enjoy very large leads over him now, and Campbell has done less than anyone!

I think that the opportunistic, flawed politics of the GOP candidates is going to fail, it is not genuine and they will not be able to contend with Brown’s views and record as things like immigration, reform, and a history of service in California come in to play. Poizner and Whitman will lose some of the conservative base with their history and their position on abortion that pandering and flip flopping on other views won’t make up for. The hubris of the rich elitists will not sway the people of California when matched against the life of service Brown has tucked up his sleeve; this is the Achilles Heel that will become apparent as middle american California hits the voting booths.

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