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Obi-Wan Bin Laden: More Powerful in Death than in Life?

or: FUCK YES, FUCK YES, FUCK YES. Finally.

In the glowing aftermath of the announcement of the death of Osama Bin Laden, at the hands of US forces, there is a haze I cannot escape. Everything should be sunshine and lollipops. With this symbolic blow to terrorism with the removal of it’s figurehead from this mortal coil, there are reports of celebration in the streets. Facebook and Twitter are booming with status updates and 140 character tweets of the happiness, excitement, even tears that come after nearly ten years of fighting and wondering where in the world is Osama Bin Laden. We have spent Billions of dollars that was originally based on a manhunt for the men responsible for that date (I refuse to directly reference it since it has been prostituted as a political ploy and weapon in elections). Vindication might suffice as a word to express my personal feelings on the matter; retribution might be appropriate, too. The President used “justice” in his speech tonight, but I don’t know if he addressed the real issue at hand, nor should he have. We will leave the cynicism and the twisting of this moment in time to the pundits and the news outlets (and me). The one thing we all need to think about is whether he is now more powerful a martyr than he was a man?

Finally

I don’t want to shit in your cornflakes or rain on your parade (we might be justified in having one for the guy that pulled the trigger), but it seems we must be cautiously hesitant to think that this will just dissolve a hardened, extremist group like Al-Qaeda. The death of Bin Laden is only going to galvanize an already grizzled bunch. He has been martyred by the Great Satan. Darth Vader was warned by Obi-Wan that if he was struck down then he would become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. Now Osama has finally given his life for the cause at hand like an empty robe falling to the ground. His followers and comrades will stop at nothing to justify his death, honor his memory, and meet now not only a harem of virgins, but Osama himself, on the other side.

In my lifetime there has been nothing more blood-curdling or earth-shattering than walking in to my first class in September so many years ago and seeing the first tower burning, live. I was so confused, didn’t believe, I couldn’t understand. Once I understood I remember hearing Bush speak and wanting only blood for blood. That metallic, salty taste on my tongue made the hair bristle on the back of my neck. I wanted heads on pikes, men drawn and quarter, I wanted men sentenced to be “hung by the neck until dead.” I wanted Old West justice, and if anyone was fit to deliver it then ol’ G.W. was the Texas boy to do it. For a moment I was elated that we had an illiterate redneck at the helm. He was the man who could slake our collective thirst and put meaning to this awful event, tying on it a nice like bow made from the innards of men foolish enough to mess with Texas.

But is was slow going and it has gotten so complicated over the years that most of us forgot what we had initially been fighting for; that justice that Obama spoke of tonight. There is no explaining away our actions in the middle east as a whole, mostly I’m ashamed and angry as an adult now. I became so jaded and tired from the justifying and legitimizing and most of all the double-speak of “strategic victories” and “progress on the ground” that I just wanted to bring all the boys back and admit we had no idea how to get one guy, one symbol, that could alleviate some of the psychological burden that we collectively felt.

Today, some of that was lifted with this announcement. I was never afraid of terrorists. It was never a feeling I felt. I was never scared to fly, afraid of a bombing, and it never effected my daily life except as an inconvenience or something that got my ire up. Today was the most genuine nostalgia I have had for my child-self. I can finally explain to that teenage boy that we got that bastard. He can look up at me with the hope and bloodlust and he can finally rest knowing that the head of the snake, the one that bit and poisoned his youth so long ago, was cut off. I would send him off to bed and pour myself a drink. Hell, what am I saying, I’d pour a drink for the both of us before he went to bed. Then I could sit down in a chair and realize all that happened today was the next chapter, not the end of the book.

I don’t think any of us are kidding ourselves. I might have just been obtuse as a kid, but I can see all the cynicism in the tweets and the status updates today. This moment is tainted by the ten years that preceded it, and beyond. Like drinking from a putrid pool of water after nearly dying of thirst crossing the Sahara; worry about the gut rot later. Sage Francis wrote almost immediately after I heard the news on Twitter: “Donald Trump and Sarah Palin are already asking to see Osama Bin Laden’s death certificate! This is getting ridiculous now.” Among others are, “BREAKING: Apple takes credit for finding Bin Laden through iPhone secret tracking. ‘We told you it was a feature, damn it’ – Jobs,” “When you run out of the house to join the Osama is dead rally in DC, when does grabbing the beach ball cross your mind as a good thing?” Possibly my favorite I’ve found is, “Beloved character actor Osama bin Laden, star of TV’s ‘Fox News’, dies age 54.”

Right now, as I type, there are hundreds of men setting timers, spooling det cords, and sewing vests for the purpose of attacking America forces renewed by the thought of their now martyred leader. Instead of one man’s calculating and absentee leadership, each cell will invariably mobilize itself and act on it’s own accord with no central leadership. This is now Project: Mayhem and in death, he has a name, his name is Osama Bin Laden. Stop it. His name is Osama Bin Laden. This is crazy. His name is Osama Bin Laden…what is going to follow in the next few weeks will be escalation. We may have cut the head off the snake, but there isn’t only one snake, and they are all irradiated with like three heads; these groups are Cerberus, the hell-hound. The next 72 hours will be very tense. They will want immediate satisfaction. We have got the new terror alert system after doing away with the Starburst color wheel we had gotten used to using, and this new one consisting of only two levels is going to get a workout over the next six months.

What might be the good to come out of this? Well, the greatest good will be as symbolic as his death. We might get renewed anti-terrorist cooperation, new cooperation in areas we didn’t have it, and an overall feeling that our military ineptitude can be lifted for the time being. Pakistan is most definitely going to politically bend over and spread ‘em after looking like jerk-offs and terrorist sympathizers with Osama having been in Pakistan when we found him. There might be a statue or parade for the man that killed Osama, justifiably so. Maybe a bronze statue of the soldier mid-war cry, holding up the severed head of Osama in one hand and a machete in the other. Too gruesome? Well, my 16-year old self would disagree with you on that, and I’m betting the you from ten years ago would, too, if you were honest with yourself.

Obama is now untouchable in the next election. War time Presidents get re-elected, that’s just a fact, and now with the blood of Osama spilled on what I can only assume were Italian marble floors in a mansion in Pakistan (Lucy, you got some ‘slainin to dooooooo), he can basically phone in a campaign. Like Zim capturing the smart bug in Starship Troopers, it’s a great victory, but it is only the beginning of the rest of the war. This was, though, the culmination of a “vow” Obama made during a debate in 2008, to find and bring to justice Osama Bin Laden. He fucking did that. That. Just. Happened! If the GOP field was weak-kneed before, they are even weaker now. Who wants to drunkenly fall into the wheat thresher that is Obama 2012? This is the drum Obama gets to beat for at least the next 24-months before anyone tells him to put it away. There is no amount of pundit BS and side-chatter that can break the results of this day. Bin Laden is dead. Election day cannot get here soon enough; don’t want this “dead terrorist” smell to wear off before then.

A monster no more.

This Middle East crap is all a fucking mess, and “if it ain’t, it’ll do until the mess gets here.” This was my generation’s great evil. The man hell-bent on destroying and upsetting the natural order of the civilized world. Enjoy the fruits of our long harvest. Yes, we’re cynical, we’re cracking jokes, and maybe I’m looking for the dark cloud instead of the silver lining, but this was not just a symbolic and real blow to terrorism and it’s most insidious voice, but this was like me killing the monster that lived under my psychological bed. I was never afraid of him, but the idea of him. Osama’s image and martyrdom will live on forever, no hyperbole there, but at least we finally put that SOB six feet under, which gives me just a little bit of that metallic, salty taste of blood in the back of my throat that I have wanted for so long.

Side note: If anyone fucking says, “mission accomplished” to me I will sock you right in the nose, though. That phrase is as dead as “winning.”

The House, of Ill-repute, That Brown Built

Zero hour is approaching, leaving Whitman and Brown with no choice but to take off the gloves; they are also throwing low blows, elbows, and head butting in an effort to gain the upper hand. Both camps in the running for Governor of California have deteriorated from ads and speeches outlining what the can do for you to underhanded tactics of what the other candidate is willing to do to you. Whether it is inadvertent name calling, smear ads, or even the occasional cross-dressing bassist, both parties have been savvy in waiting until the summer to paint each other with brushes that should be reserved for undercard cock fight promoters and dog fighters.

Public debates have been held recently, the last of which was mediated by Tom Brokaw Tuesday Oct. 12, and so far the candidates have spent more time defending their respective scandals and gnashing teeth than speaking about serious issues and constructive plans; or at least that is what is grabbing the headlines. Debates have been mired by uncomfortable admissions, defense of past actions (or inactions), and apologies to one another or the California public for “unfortunate” or “inexcusable” choices. One of my favorite things about these debates is watching to grown adults dig at one another with thinly veiled backhanded insults, while rarely looking at each other as if their opponent is not 25 feet from them on a televised debate.

Whitman has probably had more of her own scandal than Brown. Whitman’s first hurdle was the explanation of her complete lack of a voting record coupled with the fact that she was not a registered republican until very recently. She did a very poor job of defending this saying she was too busy, moved around a lot, and remembers voting at one point, though proof of this was not forthcoming. Whitman then had to try and defend her ridiculous amount of personal expenses and contributions to her campaign, now in excess of 140 million dollars (a record for personal campaign donations), leading me to believe she cannot garner the public favor she needs in the form of donations, or she is simply not even trying to appeal to the public. Then there is the bad hyperlink in a twitter message from her campaign on the 18th this month that linked readers to a mildly traumatic youtube video of what appears to be a cross-dressing man playing a bass guitar to some Asian pop song; http://bit.ly/bNCAV, wow Meg, epic fail.

Until after the primaries Brown was almost completely inactive in his campaigning like some meditating monk biding his time. He had little funding, had not officially filed the paperwork to run for Governor and seemed to not even know what was happening while people like Campbell, Poizner, and Newsom came and went. Jerry did have the incident of secretly recording a conversation with a reporter, which a staff member copped to and stepped down in an act of deflection and contrition. Brown spent the early part of the race not doing anything, since he had no real opponent on the democratic side, outside the self-destructive philanderer Gavin Newsom, and just watched as Whitman defiled Poizner every chance she got going in to the Primaries on radio, TV, and junk mail campaigns. He has been totally Ninja in waiting for the right moment to conjure up his arsenal of weapons and overwhelm Whitman in the final months, leaving her well-paid staff to scramble for a shred of ground to stand on.

More recently the bar has been lowered with awful and degrading TV campaign ads with each candidate chopping the legs out from under one another. One accused of raising taxes, the other wanting to destroy the central delta, and another basically accusing Meg of selling out our kids for eliminating capital gains tax for the rich. What more it is not even intelligent rhetoric or BS. All the ads are color coded and designed to leave you with little information but carefully crafted words which out of context mean almost nothing. Ads throw a ton of information at you and even if it may be wildly misleading they are almost all within the legal rights of the candidate despite being inexcusable and unconscionable. Gurus whip up quick and flashy ads with appropriate toning and music accompaniment. Think I am off? Watch any ad on youtube and you will find dark colors, black and white pictures, and foreboding during the accusations, but when it cuts to the ads sponsor the lights come up, everyone is smiling and even fonts may change to show more eloquence and humanity in an ad; like the candidate lives in a warming filter with baskets full of kitties and their opponent eats babies in the night to keep poll numbers high in the rural counties.

Brown’s camp took the morally gray area lead by dropping the bomb of the illegal immigrant that worked for Whitman for nine years; this has rocked her camp, being that she has taken no prisoners with her position on immigration. Enter the charming Gloria Allred, a professional phlyarologist known for salacious and shocking defense of some of pop culture’s most questionable characters. Known for her association with cases like OJ, Michael Jackson, Robert Blake, Scott Peterson, and not to mention the Catholic Church sexual abuse cases; Gloria has made a name for exploiting her pulpit as much as defending the almost indefensible. The moment she stepped up and put her client of television to point her out as an illegal alien with no thought to her possibly getting deported or jailed, Gloria stamped this circus with her seal of “ridiculous.” I am convinced that deep inside Allred is a greasy, portly ambulance chaser from Brooklyn ornately decorated in gold jewelry and an ill-fitting suit with a law degree from a fly-by-night online University, trying to break out; think Danny DeVito in The Rainmaker.

Brown stumbled in to another classless move after the immigrant fiasco in the form of another private conversation caught on tape. After leaving a voicemail for a union representative Brown and his advisors thought the call had ended…it had not, and during a private conversation an as not yet revealed campaign member suggested that Whitman was a “whore” in reference to her willingness to do anything for a union endorsement. Brown was heard saying he was willing to go along with calling her that. (would that make the Governor’s Mansion “The Best Little Whorehouse in Sacramento” if she wins, and her Dolly Parton in this scenario?) If Whitman were a male candidate this would have been laughed off without a second thought, being that she is a “she” he apologized for his comment at the most recent debate which fell on deaf ears. Whitman took the opportunity to skewer Brown saying that it was not about her, it was that the California people deserved better than name calling and slurs. Her campaign issued a statement when the recording was turned over to Whitman’s team by the union rep, saying that the word and context was an affront to not only Whitman but all California women; what this comment had to do with housewives in Temecula I will never know. Despite this egregious, albeit cathartic foible, Brown is somehow leading Whitman in a very recent Rasmussen poll 50% to 44% of likely voters; either “whore” hasn’t retained its hutzpah in our age or all too many of you agree with the sentiment.

I don’t take an issue with this comment and have no problem with the Brown camp calling her a whore in a private conversation. I would not have a problem if Whitman called Brown an asshole or a mean old fucker, privately. Why does this not matter? They are private conversations amongst team members and vilifying the enemy is an act of bonding for a cause. I am sure the candidates think things much worse than what we hear. When I was coming up as a little tike I played little league baseball and we had one opponent that was sponsored by Fuddrucker’s Restaurant. Amongst our pre-pubescent teammates we called them “Ruddfucker’s” as a way to laugh, emasculate them, and bolster our confidence. Am I equating these politicians with 11 year old children or vis-a-versa? No, but it’s a convenient correlation is it not?

Political campaigns all start out the same with civility and never directly addressing one candidate or another, but they quickly degrade in to English duels with one candidate walking up, slapping them with a glove, and challenging them to a match of pistols in the form of late round debates. But what we are seeing here in California, and to a greater extent across America in so many races, is a race that has degraded in to an illegal bare-knuckle fight in an abandoned parking garage, or maybe it’s more of a bum fight in a urine stained Skid Row alley over a porterhouse. From campaign start to finish candidates today seem to be devolving from upright walking homo-sapiens to the level of poo-chucking apes; I would go even further and suggest that if you look hard enough at a mid-term election circa September humanity will discover the long sought “missing link” with a American flag pin in its lapel.

What does this say about us? Well, we love a good show, shocking moments and sub-human behavior; look no further than our fascination with Jersey Shore. In these closing weeks all over the country campaigns are firing off both barrels to sabotage their opponents. Pundits are criticizing and scrutinizing for the good of their party, and Obama is doing all he can to save the party majority…though we are only one band away from relegating this majority to the past tense (and maybe it’s for the best). With Whitman and Brown it is just another race, but this one is for the 8th largest international economy and the most populous state in the union at a pivotal time; you think they would keep the name calling to a minimum given the gravity. Either way you go, with liberal Jerry Brown or the newly minted conservative Whitman, someone is going to have some buyer’s remorse, but as time dwindles down and the candidates get desperate the show is nothing more than a couple of people hamming it up, wild-eyed grins on their sweat soaked faces doing a frantic version of the shuffle in stolen tap shoes.

The Donkey Will Chew Off its Own Leg to Survive

or: Nancy Pelosi would not come back for you during the zombie apocalypse

I’m sure like me after a few beers with some friends you have entertained the idea of what your plan of action would be in the event of a zombie apocalypse. I know there have been many films and even an extensive library of books on the subject; George Romero has a hard-on for the subject. Thanks to the insight of a friend I know that after securing ammunition and armament I would make for my local CostCo. Large building with massive amounts of food, provisions, and minimal entrances, that could keep a small group safe and well fed for possibly years. But on the way to the facility, under close pursuit, if a group of people fell behind or even a cliche scenario of the twisted ankle, would you go back for them? Would the majority of you risk your own lives to save the few that are seemingly lost to the blood thirsty horde? Could you leave the safety of a fortified position to help your comrades on the slim chance they could survive unscathed?

Well if you are the Democratic Party the answer is a resounding “no.” If the recent actions of the party leadership is any indicator then they would stand idly by protecting their beloved CostCo of a house majority leaving nothing to chance in losing the position they have for the few lives that are too far gone to help. September 4th brought a story about the Democrats deciding to cut off support for those seats that seem too far out of reach for the party to continue the campaign fight. The party has seen the Zombie horde that is the Republican party in this scenario setting itself upon many races with a vigor and outpouring of public support that indicates that the battle is lost this late in the game; the Democrats are now turning their focus to those races that are near assured and those where they feel they can gain enough ground with appropriate funding to keep a slim hold on the house majority they have held through the last two elections.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi issued a letter to the party members to redirect funding and support for those candidates who need and deserve the help, also urging party members behind on their dues to pay up. She asked everyone to reach in their campaign coffers and support the candidates that have the best shot to win. This basically says to those in trouble and behind in the polls this late in the game, that they need to pull up stakes and help the party majority before they help themselves; throw yourself on the grenade in the foxhole to save the squad, your own safety be damned.

Obama is seconding this motion adding extensive rallies and fundraisers to his schedule in the coming months to throw his weight behind the candidates within striking distance of opponents in key races while trying to pad the funding so that the candidates can take to the airwaves and oust their republican opposition. Right now there are some four dozen candidates running TV adds as of Labor Day, more than ever before at this time, and they are not only on the air but are leaning to the negative spectrum using words like “liar” and painting their opponents as poor choices instead of highlighting their own qualifications.

Some of the gangrenous Democratic candidates that have been amputated from the body politic are Betsy Markey of Colorado (an 11 point dog), Tom Perriello (a whopping 26 point dog in Virginia), and even Earl Pomeroy who is seeking his tenth term but finds himself at a 9 point disadvantage in North Dakota. These candidates have basically been abandoned by the party support they desperately need because to the Democratic leaders it looks like they are already too far gone to be saved. The party feels it would be doing itself a disservice to fight these Waterloos and in the process lose other winnable races, and possibly the majority as a result, by spreading the $218 million budget too thin.

Is this my party? How embarrassed I feel to be painted in a corner with these people who are cannibalizing their own party to survive while the Republicans have only become more galvanized over the years. This is so indicative of the two parties and the solidarity therein. Liberals have always been a scatter-shot kind of group with wide ranging ideals and beliefs as well as a complete lack of focus as a group. Liberals are islands unto themselves with their outlook on the evils of how things are done, rights, morals, finance, international policy, etc. Democrats seem to be good at doing and saying nothing while Conservatives seem to be a sniper rifle of a group, now more than ever. Conservatives are on the same page with gun control, financial issues, social issues, etc. Just as the Democrats are sawing off limbs like a scene out of SAW, the Republican party is tighter and more united than ever; hell, they put out a purity test to prove you were with them, like Reagan would have wanted.

This is clearly a Kafkaesque sign as to the issues that are facing the Democratic party if they want to continue to hold any kind of power, even if they don’t intend to use it for anything. As inaction is our action of choice, the Republicans are prepared to scale the walls of our ivory tower and take our women and rations. The Democratic party is going on the defensive, a role well rehearsed to this point, trying to protect their fleeting hold on the government by running campaigns and toting their strides in healthcare, education, and regulation of Wall Street. I am no Frank Mankiewicz, but I think you might want to avoid the hot button issue of health care which divided this country to the point that the TEA Party was formed and people reverted to primitive, ape-like creatures calling out “death panels” and “killing your grandma” as slogans of opposition.

The Democratic party is clearly aware of the situation they find themselves in. They are well-versed in the details of the national climate and the taste the party in power has left in the mouths of those that swallowed “change” and “hope” like a Kool-Aid that goes best with NIKE sneakers and bunk beds. We are still deep in a recession, mired in healthcare malarkey, unemployment has not improved, cities and states are bankrupt, and the wars…well they are still going on despite Obama calling an end to active combat on one front. I hate to say it, but though he might be miles more eloquent in his speech, the man is one ranch and a bomber jacket away from “W” in the eyes of many Americans. I know I feel a great sadness from the debt of “change” I am owed.

I have said this before but I just feel like politicians are more concerned with their next campaign than they are for the constituency they represent. No one would ever say it, but I am betting in dark, smoke-filled rooms over fine Scotches even the best Democrat could admit that many of their candidates out there are outclassed and it is a matter of tricking the people in to not seeing it. It is going to take wizardry and slight of hand to win a few of these races, and that is exactly what a redirection of funds is going to allow. Sure, the race in Ohio is a toss-up between (D) Mary Jo Kilroy and (R) Steve Stivers, but with the right funding it might not be, if David Blain moonlights as a campaign manager; but the Democrats aren’t willing to take that chance at this juncture.

The race for Governorship is not really part of this debate, but you see the same thing happening here in California. A well qualified Democrat, Jerry Brown, with decades of experience at all levels of leadership in politics is simply being outspent and outclassed by the (R) Meg Whitman machine. She had poured more than $50 million of her own fortune in to buying the most air, radio, and billboard time she can manage. The woman is all over the state grabbing up endorsements while she and (D) Jerry Brown trade poll leads month to month coming down to the wire that is November. This is the eighth largest economy in the world, California, and yet the best candidate may not win. Or maybe the best candidate will, if the “best candidate” is not synonymous with the “right candidate.” At this point in my life I now see that the best candidate is the one that runs the best campaign, not the one who is right for the job. Politics is a game of getting in to office no matter the cost or lack of qualifications a candidate may possess; then once you are there it is a matter of making the right choices and voting along party lines so that you can convince the people to keep you there the next time around.

The Democrats are in the latter portion of the “keeping it” stages of the races. To save the ship they are keying the airlock to engineering and letting good men and women drown in order to save the ship and the rest of the crew. The party is in crisis mode redirecting all power they still wield to point at their “accomplishments” and to misdirect the voter with negative ad campaigns of opposition while skirting the subjects that simultaneously effect and outrage the proletariate. Thomas Jefferson said that “the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.” The Democratic party is taking this to heart as they are feeding the tree they are tending with the blood of their own kind. I don’t know if that is a patriotic act or one of a tyrant, sacrificing your own for the good of the body politic and perpetuating the cycle of political impotence and ineptitude, but I would think that great men and women know when they are doing the people an injustice and know full well that it may be better for another to lead for the sake of the greater good.

I am a proud liberal in the most degrading and inflammatory sense of the word. When a Republican uses the term as a slur, they are painting you with the same brush they reserve for me. I am a far left, wild-eyed critic of the world and America as she grows and labors under her own weight. The party I am begrudgingly linked to is showing its true colors now by not creating at least a cloakatively united front. They know that the party’s power gambit is in jeopardy, and instead of asking why or making an effort to change their course, they are simply shoring the levees on good races and leaving the stragglers to be torn apart without even a somber word to their bravery and self sacrifice. The Democrats have tipped their hand; they are willing to leave those most likely lost to their own fate while protecting the greater good of the party. I wonder how Jefferson would interpret this kind of human sacrifice for the good of the machine, but I know that it is not made for the good of the people. The races deemed lost are not those be run by bad people, leaders, or politicians; it is the abandoning of losing races. It is clear that “my” party is not holding in mind who is best to represent me, but who is most likely to win, and if not tyrannical, this is at least contrary to the true idea of representative politics.

Democrats have their CA candidate…Let the Jerry-atrics begin

or: Democrats are doing flips with their official candidate…let the Jerry-nastics begin

I thought it would have been a massive gala event. I was under the impression that this inevitable day would have come with pomp, circumstance, and more than a few balloons. In my mind I saw a podium, campaign signs, and a stage filled with people facing a crowd of hundreds cheering and going on under a downpour of confetti to the tune of some Bruce Springsteen guitar riff. What I got was a three minute and seventeen second video on his website. No applause, no music, and certainly no pomp. Just a simple web video with Jerry Brown in what appeared to be a personal study circa 1975 declaring his official candidacy for Governor in 2010…(insert chosen party favor sound effect here)

For agonizing months upon months we all waited for Jerry to declare. While mud was being slung among the candidates in both parties, Jerry stood silent. While poor voting records, bi-partisan donations, and adultery scandals came to light, Jerry stood silent. In the time both Campbell and Newsom declared and withdrew, Jerry stood silent. And even as Meg Whitman’s poll numbers climbed out of the cellar with millions spent to make any opponent nervous, Jerry stood silent. Like a political Yoda he simply did nothing until it was time for action, and on Tuesday, that time came.

In his anticlimactic declaration video Brown showed an energy and excitement about the issues that face this state. His age has concerned me, as I think it will the voters and become subject of editorials, but I saw a virility and an immediacy in him that was absent of the similarly aged McCain during his campaign. He outlined a few platforms and hit a few major points as would be expected. What I loved in the video, and the Larry King interview the same day, were the thinly veiled digs at his republican opponents. Speaking of buying a candidacy at 150 million for Whitman’s campaign and a “mere ambition” to be governor in Poizner, he showed a readiness to get in there and throw a tight 1-2 punch.

He also spoke of this not being a campaign derived from a “scripted plan cooked up by consultants”, another dig at Whitman, but this kind of rang hollow for me. In the video and the Larry King Live interview I counted “partisanship”, poisonous or otherwise, spoken five times; tied with “focused” for most mentions. He said “knowledge/know-how” four times, and spoke a clear campaign linchpin “insider’s knowledge and an outsider’s mind” once on each stage. I don’t care how gold you want to stay Ponyboy, but these are scripted talking points that he was clearly instructed to mention. He is a career politician, and this cannot be discounted in that he knows what needs to be done to win a campaign and the kind of language that needs to be used to convince fence straddling voters and stir up the natives.

I shuddered at the chilling phrase “politics as usual”, I knew I had heard it before, and with a little research I found archive video of Sarah Palin saying it in her introduction speech in 2008. Now, on it’s own the phrase is innocuous, but depending on the source it’s like a pop can in a paint shaker, could blow up in your face. Jerry Brown was Governor for eight years starting in 1975, he was mayor of Oakland, ran for President, and of course is the state attorney general, don’t talk to me about ending politics as usual. Brown, I hate to say it, but you are the “usual” in that statement. At 71 years old you represent the establishment, the man that the freak power movement railed against. Sure, in 1975 he was the youngest Governor in California, chidingly given the moniker of “Governor Moonbeam”, but if elected this year he would be 72 at the time of taking oath, setting a new record for the oldest Governor in California history. When he mentioned grassroots all I could think of was the fact that a majority if his former voting base is literally in the roots of grass; activating those roots is not going to take political bullshit, but fertilizer. You’ve got root beer on you, Jerry.

Coming out of Brown in one single day, on two stages were the golden oldies of political jargon. Words like “smoke and mirrors” are the classic politico babble that are designed to illicit specific reactions and responses. He can’t help himself from doing it, it’s his life’s work, but I don’t think he should try and sell himself as the sweeping winds of change or the glaring alternative to how things have gone. I do like that he highlighted the fact we tried the untested, inexperienced outsider for almost two terms, which almost made us miss Gray Davis, and makes a point that we don’t need it again (another republican candidate dig), but to think I am obtuse enough to not notice that you are almost three times my age is a little insulting. He will be hanging his hat on experience as a key factor to being elected, obviously, so don’t try and sell yourself as anything but a ‘return’ to a career politician who has been there and done that.

In his video he talks about bi-partisan politics, and getting everyone to the table for something like the budget. In the interview with Larry King on Tuesday he explained that it was his intention to not just have two representatives from each party at a table to make a budget, he wanted every single person in the legislature in the room together to make this budget, day after day, and month after month, until they got it right. I am not much of a societal expert, but I would think that going from five guys in a room to 121 would only complicate the issue further. Imagine trying to placate 120 representatives to balance a state budget hundreds of millions of dollars in the red already in this entrenched, ‘not on my watch’ political atmosphere. I wonder if there is a Holiday Inn conference room we can rent out for the duration, or at least Thunderdome.

Brown went on, wanting to get environmentalists and oil companies together, unions and businesses, democrats and republicans, saying we needed to act as Californians first. While he is at it he might get the KKK and the black panthers at a table together. He’ll get Bobby Rae to put down the lynching rope and douse the flames on his cross long enough to get the two factions to act as “Californians” first. I think this is little more than pie in the sky thinking that is another one of those campaign ploys that will be unrealized. With each of these groups mentioned there are vital, fundamental issues at the core of their ideals that cannot be bridged or pacified. No matter the apparent ease a decision might be able to be made with, if you get these entrenched groups to come together, there will be blood and venom before conciliation or understanding.

I got a bit of a chuckle out of a statement by King that both Poizner and Whitman camps issued statements in reaction to Brown declaring on Tuesday, “this is about the future, not the past.” Indeed. This statement makes me laugh since Whitman runs adds about her past accomplishments as an Ebay executive, and Poizner wants his record in the White House and his position as Insurance Commissioner highlighted. I guess the past they don’t want spoken of is Brown’s arm length service to the state of California. I am sure Whitman would like to avoid her voting record, campaign spending projections, and the fact she just converted to ‘Reaganism’ a few years ago. Poizner would love nothing more than to forget blaming a 2000 recount contribution on his wife, as well as his embellishing of his role in the Bush White House, but he’ll talk about inventing GPS in your cell phone. It is this kind of paradoxical statement that threaten cognitive aneurism if your politico intake is not carefully monitored by a physician.

What Brown does need to focus on is the present, though, since he might have a tough road to hoe, eventually. With a week to go before the campaign declaration deadline, he is running uncontested in the democratic primary. This may sour some voters, given the fact that they don’t get a democratic choice and that Brown probably will do little before June to make himself a public candidate on a trail of any kind. Brown will continue to play savvy and work on the campaign coffer so as to conserve his limited funding shells for the offensive over the summer. Brown has been so good so far, waiting out scandals and ugly politics as well as seeing the departure of two out of four of his opponents, including his only democratic rival, Newsom. (I mean, that guy fell from grace like Wyle E. Coyote through a cartoon trap door) Whether or not he will continue his sideline campaign or get in to the big game contests with opponents will depend on whether his opponents come after him at all; knowing these two so far, chances are good they will attack him on something, bringing the might of nearly 50 years of political acumen to bare on their respective camps.

I had always questioned his willingness to wait, not knowing whether it was senility or savvy that kept him out of the race until March, and the deadline. I think it might have gone on too long though. Even though there is such a long way to go, and still a shell has yet to be fired from his trenches, Brown might want to worry a bit. In a very recent Rasmussen Poll Whitman is apparently locked in a dead heat for voters right now with Brown at 43%; other polls have him ahead by as little as 5%. Compare this too late last year, before he declared and when Newsom was still in, and Brown enjoyed 40-something numbers as more people didn’t know who Whitman was than would vote for her. With the ebay CEO tag and almost pornographic spending on the airwaves she has closed the gap to make her a figure now challenging the game plan of Governor Moonbeam.

Should he be concerned though? I think what is going to happen is a firestorm of controversy and finger pointing in the Republican camp over the next few months, grabbing all the headlines, leaving Brown with no controversy of his own, it’s tough to pick a fight with yourself and get the headlines for juicy claims against an opponent. I fear that his unopposed campaign will have to do little, leaving all the salacious campaigning to those that need to separate themselves early to get the nomination. Brown will not get many primary votes, no one is showing up to vote for a candidate that can’t lose, as a result he will not get that real momentum boost a campaign gets after a win in the primaries. With no ‘win’ he won’t have that fiery speech he would otherwise make about the victory, a big step, and next stop Sacramento, etc. Without the conflict and the initial victory, he will lumber through June instead of gaining steam and punching through to July as a nominated candidate.

This might be a blessing in disguise though as fundraising could make for a tough hill to climb. With only 13 million raised thus far he is going to have to work the appearances and sponsors. Since projections show 150 million being spent by Whitman and some 50 million by Poizner, it might be good he won’t have to expend finite funds on the primaries in June. This will allow him to conserve his rush for the home stretch a few months later when the ear of the public is more tuned in to the candidates and the airwaves as a result. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jerry got himself some heavy hitter help in his campaign on the funds front now that he is officially in the ring, so don’t discount his meager means at the moment.

One thing that did make me wonder was a comment King made about whether Brown wants Obama’s support in his campaign. Brown stumbled a bit and didn’t say no, but wanted to run an ‘independent’ campaign activating the grassroots to garner support. He did correct that he would love Obama’s support, he wants everyone’s support, when King asked whether Brown was distancing himself from the President. This arm length distance might not be a bad idea. Look, Obama doesn’t exactly have the Midas touch right now. Forget the economy, health care, etc., I am talking about little personal projects and vouches. Obama has come back empty handed from pleading with Patterson in New York, got a republican elected in Massachusetts for the first time in like 60 years, and could not get the 2016 Olympics in Chicago, losing to Rio, the most dangerous city in South America; Obama is delivering the antithesis of the ‘Colbert Bump’ so far in office, so you can’t blame Brown for sidestepping the presidential endorsement like a steaming pile on the sidewalk.

So now that he is in, what can will Brown do for you? My mind wanders to some spoof on the UPS Whiteboard commercials. I can see that long haired d-bag in dress casual with his marker speaking like a snake oil salesman on Prozac selling me on the services Jerry can offer. The word “TAXES” with a circle and line through it. I can see the name “Whitman”, shaking his head at it, erasing the “W” to reveal “hitman”. Watch him drawing a see-saw with a fat kid on one end and a tiny kid on the other, but somehow he draws it balanced, “just like the California budget, some say it’s impossible, but not with Brown, 2010.” I know, a visual pun, or play on commercialism, but it fits.

With his hat officially in the ring time will tell what his course of action will be. I have tried to pin him down and have been way off every time out, so I will react to him, not try to divine his future. I suggest a slow and methodical plan up to the primaries gaining campaign money and then making the big push in the home stretch. I would push for debates immediately after the primaries, a series of three over six weeks at least, some time in September/October, maybe earlier. I am so new to this, whatever he does is going to surprise me, but I think we can get a good grasp on his main ideas and know that this feisty sea-dog of the political scene is going to make his best push to end his career on top in California. One thing is for sure, he doesn’t need this gig for glory or to further his career, shit, if he served two terms he would be 80 when he left office, and if experience and wisdom are what we are looking for, by that age he’ll be able to deliver it, from an environmentally friendly pair of “Depends”. Ahh, ending on a poop joke, indeed.

The Pale Horse of Death is Apparently Pulled by the Truck of Brown

If the Republican party’s reaction is any indicator then what has happened in Massachusetts is equal to the dead rising; it’s the first sign of the apocalypse. Yesterday the state that stood as the house that Kennedy built decided to experiment and elected a GOP Senator for the first time in what might as well be forever. If you believe the headlines and the pundits then this stands as the death nell of both the health care bill and the beginning of the end for the democratic party in 2012.

Everywhere you look the democrats are ‘reeling’ and ‘regrouping’ while the republicans are ‘striking a blow’, ‘retaking Washington’, doing everything shy of actually masturbating in the sreets. Yes, thanks to a change in the state legislature the democrats made, this special election had an adverse effect after the death of the “lion of the senate” and they got Scott Brown elected over Coakley, a bump on a log sort of woman who took a Howard Dean-esque dip in the polls and lost support in the weeks leading up to the election.

I, on the other hand, think this is nothing more than one incident where a state, left without its perennial powerhouse candidate, was a bit lost and disenfranchised with the regular party and decided to go with someone new and mostly untested…sounds familiar. Also with the likes of FOX News just shy of sponsoring Brown and outlandishly exaggerating the scope of this abnormal political event. You can’t blame them though, this is a classic stage of grief in the political world, “party promiscuity”. The widowed Massachusetts is just letting its hair down after a long marriage and doing some experimenting like “Cougartown”, sans Courtney Cox.

Why was the state democrat for so long with Kennedy around and then just up and switches parties? The mass of Massachusetts simply didn’t want to be blamed for him losing the seat. Just like Ghandi’s hunger-strikes that stopped fighting, it’s not that his fasting actually changed their minds or mended bridges, they stopped fighting because no group wanted to be responsible for his death, so they went along with periods of peace. Guilt can be an amazing factor in decision making if you don’t want a mired conscience, so they just kept voting him in because they didn’t want to be the group that didn’t vote for Kennedy.

I think this situation goes to prove a long-standing theory that I have written about before. I think many voters simply size up a candidate and decide whether or not they will win. My theory states that when left with a toss up choice, a voter will vote for the person they think will win, not necessarily who they want to win. Getting caught up in hype and conjecture, they can be swayed by newspaper headlines and polls, or even people hypothesizing on the outcome, and if a candidate is not favored to win, they hedge their bets and vote for the other person, so their vote is not wasted. Also, a part of their voting checklist is whether or not they think their candidate is a pussy. People like someone who not only looks strong and virile, but might be able to kick ass in a bar fight, i.e., Kennedy.

However, I am not totally convinced that this is an isolated incident, which makes me nervous. With the GOP toting ‘purity tests’ and Obama losing numbers like a cigar-fondling Clinton, I can see that the right is galvanized (behind FOX News) and realizes they are going to have to act like democrats with their rallies, protests, and ‘grass roots’ campaigns. The republicans are fighting mad and they are going to get this country back one seat at a time if we stick with the current status quo in the major areas of employment, security, and the ever present ‘socialist/gay agenda’. (I am not likening gays to socialists, or vice versa)

This might be a sign of things to come in 2012. Palin and FOX News will try their damndest to derail a democratic landslide like in 2008, and it won’t be hard because even I’m ready to vote Nader before I get my morning coffee. Everything Obama is doing today, and the state of the union, is playing right in to republican hands. The republicans took 2008 as a slap in the face and now they have been energized behind their most conservative leaders and blowhards.

But I do not want this taken out of context; this was a special election on short notice to fill the throne left by Kennedy upon his death in a state that is hardly a fair litmus test for America as a whole. Jesus, this is Massachusetts, we’re talking baked beans and Red Sox, it’s the 50th most populous state for God’s sake.

Whatever this might indicate for the future, we need to also realize that we put a woman up against a man who’s biggest slogan was, “Hi, I’m Scott Brown, and this is my truck.” That is like catnip to republicans and I hate to sound sexist, but Kennedy was a bear of a MAN, and I think gender might have played a role in that Coakley was a fairly dainty woman. I mean, I once heard that Kennedy castrated a bull just by staring in to its eyes; that’s a tough act for ol’ Martha Coakley to follow.

Well, whatever the case, it seems that every news outlet is getting its press releases from the GOP and announcing the fall of Obama, democrats, and the health care bill, all because of a man and his pickup. Is this party just a house of cards? Are we this fragile that a single seat in the Senate could be our downfall? I think not, we’re proud, progressive, and civic minded…we’ll knock ourselves off the pedestal thank you very much, no help needed. Fuckin’ pick-up truck.

epilogue:

I fear that this candidate has somehow captured the minds of republicans like some savior. The win of Brown has spurred great chastising of the democratic party, and even Obama is trying to make strategic party changes to avoid further losses in 2010 elections.It seems the republicans have become enamored with a charismatic, young, and untested politician so as to bring about change in the status quo, something the democratic party fell under heavy fire for.  I think it can be disturbingly summed up in a statement made by a man I was talking to Saturday night; with a wild-eyed smile and a chuckle he simply said, “Scott Brown 2012″ and paused, as if waiting for me to offer a high five. Indeed.

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