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KONY 2012: As Effective a Grassroots Campaign As Any
Posted by Wes
The internet has struck again and “slacktavists” everywhere are lapping it up. Here I am, a suburban white boy in southern California writing about horrifying acts in Uganda. Damned if this social media doesn’t work.
The KONY 2012 movement has hit critical mass, social media saturation. The interwebs–a series of tubes–was brought to bear on yet another injustice in the world firing everything it has at one guy whose name looks good on a bumper sticker during an election year.
Joseph Kony of Uganda and LRA infamy has finally gotten his 15 minutes. Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, and even the defunct and malfunctioning LinkedIn are abuzz with the activities of Kony and his Kony(hort)–it’ll catch on. After years of hard work and perseverance, he is finally getting some recognition. Blood diamonds, starvation, suffering, and more glitzy and glamorous revolutionaries and dictators have stood in his way of infamy, but no more. Joseph Kony has arrived, and damn if he doesn’t have the best advertising in the biz. Any press is good press, right?
Thanks to one minidoc passed around the internet like a prepubescent sex slave–too soon?–everyone from Berkley trust fund babies and armchair activists and Monday morning Christians are spreading the atrocities of the LRA and this Kony fellow in Uganda. Why, you can’t walk into a Starbucks without noticing the titillating buzz about the video.
I have not seen the video. I refuse to watch the video on the grounds that it will not change my stance on crimes against humanity; they are crimes after all, and I went to public school and possess a library card and have this here internet connection. I know what atrocity looks like. I’m an American and I like to think we’ve got more than one entry in the Sportscenter Atrocity NOT Top 10 Plays of All-time.
Gathered from the facts that have been regurgitated to me by those who have fallen victim to the grassroots onslaught of horrifying facts I have gathered three things: Joseph Kony has recruited soldier boys–not Soulja Boy, sold teenage girls as sex slaves, and killed a shit ton of people. Number two, the US did nothing about this in the past and the current campaign on the net is to raise his status to a point that the government can’t ignore it anymore due to civilian pressure. Three, that people are always on the lookout for yet another ideological flavor of the week.
I don’t have the facts to back it up, but I would bet that if I polled the first 100 people I could find on the street, they could not tell me where Uganda is on a map. I would go one further that they could not tell me anything about what the LRA is up to besides what has been given to them by this short video campaign on the internet. You can’t find the country on this here globe, yet you are about to shower me in lathery facts about the horrifying things happening there.
This is yet another cause in a long line of causes that become to trendy to ignore. Free Nelson Mandela. Peace in Israel. End Apartheid. Legalize Pot. Pepper spraying college kids. We are the 99 Percent. Dispatch Idi Amin. Stop the civil war in Somalia. Women’s Right to Choose. Real Men Don’t Buy Women. No H8. Find Nicole Brown’s Real Killer. This is just a smattering of movements and causes that come and go. It’s like everyone has a rail car and they just wanna be on the train.
Now we’ve got the guile up of the people. Soccer moms, aunts, uncles, and all your pseudo-ideological friends have posted this link on your wall. They are horrified, disgusted, revolted, and outraged…then they check Yahoo for the latest picture of a drunk starlet. This story will appear on the cover of TIME, if it hasn’t already, and it will sit next to the tabloids and play the straight man in the newsstand version of an Abbott and Costello routine.
“Who’s in Uganda?”
“No. Who’s in the Democratic Republic of Congo. What is in Uganda.”
“Well, then What is in South Sudan?”
“No. What is in Uganda. Who is in the Democratic Republic of Congo.”
“I don’t give a damn!”
“Ah, you mean our shortstop in Central African Republic.” You see where this is going?
Haven’t gotten your personal fill of anti-atrocity, pseudo-activism? Wait just one more week and you’ll be invited to the Facebook event, “KONY Cover The Night” in your town. Get all your closest friends together at your local independent coffee shop and once the sun sets you can vandalize your town with deliberately orchestrated advertisements disguised as a movement like a thrift store Banksy along with the rest of the neo-aware country. Then post the photos on Facebook to show you care more than the next schlub ignoring the issue and letting these heinous crimes go on unfettered.
In the next couple of weeks you’ll be able to get your KONY 2012 T-shirts and your Death to Kony “LiveStrong” knock-off bracelets. Go for the quadfecta and get the whole package: T-shirt, bracelet, hat, and tote bag. Don’t spend even one moment without showing your support for hunting down and raping this bastard while you text your girlfriends about what Sheila said to you Saturday night at the club. Order your Chai latte, but do it shoving this fad down someone else’s throat like a billboard for effective internet campaigning.
What Kony and the LRA have committed is no more heinous than what has gone on in the Motherland, the forgotten continent of Africa, for decades and even hundreds of years. You can’t throw a rock in Africa without hitting someone with an AK-47 and an agenda. Every asshole with a Napoleon complex is a part of a liberation front, a revolutionary coalition, or is championing the overthrow of one corrupt government for another. Kony is just the guy that, this week, has garnered the most attention because of a great campaign thought up by a dozen Mad Men in a smoke choked room with a whiteboard and enough Scotch to put down Charlie Sheen. Nothing more.
Martin Luther King Jr said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat against justice everywhere.” I suppose this should have been enough for the government to take action some eight years ago when the request for action was made. I guess we only quote MLK in February during Black History Month, but it’s March and the campaign is just now taking hold.

(left in a check presenter at work with the tip for a coworker) I was ready to vote for him in the GOP primaries as an EXTREME independent until I saw the minidoc.
I suppose the argument I have heard most often over this comes from two schools of thought: “It is not our problem,” and “It is our responsibility.” Both are flawed schools testing below state averages. Sure, this doesn’t affect us, but this is an international planet and we are morally obligated to help. Why this? Why now? Because the campaign is clever and will look good on a T-shirt; hell, it’s even got a logo. I am just wondering where the support comes from. Is it genuine? Hardly. You’ll know you’ve jumped the shark when Nancy Grace gets her claws in this one; she sticks to missing white girls, so if she latches on to this there’s no telling how fast it’ll will take over the Today Show and Fox & Friends by month’s end. Hell, you’ve got me writing this, so kudos to you. It is all fabricated and designed, though. Tug at someone’s heart strings and they will play you a lullaby, but in two months we will be on to the new thing once the movement runs out of steam. Don’t believe me? When’s the last time you checked in on the 99%?
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GOP Storefronts: Whose Got The Best Swag?
Posted by Wes
There is plenty of criticism out there about the candidates that still feel that they have a snowball’s chance at the White House. With 18 debates under our belts, We are going to be exceeding the season episode run for most television shows. This is like the worst Survivor: Campaign Trail season ever. They are saving the best stuff for sweeps week, I’m sure. I can’t wait to buy the BluRay with all the featurettes and director commentary.
This not withstanding, I keep watching people give an edge to this candidate or another. Who won this debate? Who won this poll, this Caucus, this campaign ad run? Whose taxes are the most flattering? Who has had the most wives? Who is the most racist? Whose policies are the most toxic for this country? Which candidate will be the President in our final days before postapocolyptia?
These are all valid questions, and unless someone produces a talking Pegasus as a running mate, no one is going to look like the right guy for the job. I would love to join the pundit cacophony, railing on policy, voting record, plans, stances, personal background, and whether Newt or Romney looks like the bigger asshole (hint: it’s Gingrich). Instead, I want to rate these guys via a litmus test that is often overlooked: Whose got the best swag.
In a search of their respective campaign websites, you can get your hands on an abundance of campaign collectibles. Between the four remaining candidates there is a variety of design and thought, and not so much thought, that went in to the design of the goodies you can get your hands on to support (ironically or otherwise) the candidate you’d like to see champion the upcoming GOP Waterloo. Without further adieu, our rankings of the best place to get your GOPSwag.
4. Rick Santorum. Join The Fight
By the slimmest of margins, Rick Santorum is bringing up the rear. With just two T-shirt designs, no yard signs, and a fucking tote bag, Rick did not drop enough funds on design and marketing groups to double-check this haphazard storefront. The eagle design, Rick? Really? It’s a bit on the nose, don’t you think? Besides the overall design is the lack of choices and repetitive design. If you look closely at the stickers and other “gear” and stickers, you will see that the product is described as “Rick Santorum for President Bumper Sticker.” Upon further examination, the “for” is oddly absent, so the sticker just reads, “Rick Santorum President.” It’s presumptuous at best, a terrible design at best. With swag like this, it’s no wonder you will never top the definition of santorum when you Google yourself. I mean, a tote bag…no wonder you’ll never win. Everyone else is going network and you’re giving us public broadcasting. Tisk, tisk. You know how Republicans feel about that shit.
3. Newt Gingrich. Rebuild the America We Love
THE Newt Gingrich. Yep, the womanizing, racist, dodging dick, stays out of the bottom spot based on a couple of key points and with a worst case scenario kind of campaign slogan. If your Gingrich support doesn’t stop at exploitation, then you can pick up this adorable “small pet bandana” and truly Newt-er your dog. I like the “I’m With Newt” Sticker bundle. I love most of the bundles. The Volunteer Package is a nice way of putting your supporters to work…while making them pay to do so. My favorite is the “Victory Package.” If you don’t want to be out-newt-ed (even by Newt), you can get this all-inclusive pack for a scant $60. You get the T-shirt, the yard sign, the coffee mug (on which immediacy is taking a backseat to leadership importance), the decal, the buttons, and the hat. NEWT2012. I don’t like the fucking Polo though, Newt. C’mon. Blue collar folk can’t afford a $40 white-collar. Know the voting base to whom you’re pandering. So, you’re in third. If that hoodie had been zip-up, and not pull-over, you might have pulled second.
2. Mitt Romney. Believe in America
I’m a believer. I truly believe America is real and not a figment of my imagination. What else you got? As it is, Romney comes charging in at second. What landed this Mormon Capitalist at number two? It isn’t selection. There isn’t much here. It isn’t affordably price. After seeing his taxes and what he makes everyday in interest off capital gains, I can see that $35 for a long-sleeve T-shirt seems reasonable; and sixty buck for a quarter-zip sweatshirt doesn’t get a second glance. Wait, a quarter-zip? Hold your criticism, I’ll explain. There is one sweet ass zip-up hoodie here, and I’m a sucker for a hoodie. Furthermore, he doesn’t exploit animals as Newt does. No, fuck that. We put Romney logos on babies, bitch. Freaking Romney ONESIE! Despite a “R” logo that looks like the Pepsi logo fucked the Girl Scouts of America design; he’s got the yard signs, the exploitation of the too-young-to-vote, sweet buttons, stickers, a badass hoodie, and the obligatory one pretentious piece of apparel. Romney: Second with a bullet.
1. Ron Paul. Restore America Now
Ron Paul! At number one is our Ross Perot. It’s as if Ralph Nader was dehydrated and reduced to a frail mass of explosive political beef stock flavor. And his apparel!? Ed Hardy is on the ropes if Paul can get these threads in the storefronts, son. Okay, he’s got the yard signs. He’s got the stickers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about what he’s got that no one else in their right minds would sell to support a presidential campaign: Ron Paul Family Cookbook, “I HEART Ron Paul” wristbands, a pocket constitution, party balloons, and a fucking beer koozie! His shirts are awesome, his rEVOLution stickers and shirt designs remind me Sage Francis’ last album cover. I mean, look at this shirt! He’s even got a beanie. In true Ron Paul fashion, he’s also got packs of outlines of different issues facing America. Prosperity, energy independence, protect gun rights, standing up for homeschooling, pro-life, protect marriage, worker’s rights, lower taxes, and more! If I didn’t disagree so much with all his platforms, I’d fucking vote for him. He’s out of his ever-loving mind. He’s ever-imitatable and rife for parody. Ron Paul is the politician we all say we want to vote for, but we’re all too afraid of the sight of him once he’s right in front of us. I love his swag, though.
So there is our Poppycock breakdown of the political candidates left standing in the race. Based solely on political paraphernalia, we would like to call it now: Ron Paul will be the next GOP candidate for President. It’s bold, and it’s most certainly poppycock, but if his shirts are any indicator, he’s got this thing locked the fuck up!
For our first GOP candidate piece, and more traditional breakdown of possible candidates before it all began, click here. The person I feel the worst for is the guy now sitting on 1,000 Rick Perry for President buttons that arrived at his double wide last week. Poor bastard. You could’ve had a beer koozie.
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Look at This F-ing Guy #53
Posted by Wes
That has bumper stickers on his car
Your car is a statement about you. You might be rich, poor, safe, or a speedster. Maybe you drive a station wagon, a van, or a sports car. Whatever the case may be, you might have an inkling to add a little bit of attitude to the bumper of your car with an aptly placed sticker for the driver behind you to enjoy. I would suggest you refrain from this type of personal statement as it can be downright offensive, inappropriate, or at the very least a hilarious statement about exactly what kind of asshole you might be.

There are all kinds of bumper stickers out there, we’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, but I just think you might not want to do it. Do you really need to assault the driver behind you with you cliched sense of humor as he re-reads “keep honking, I’m reloading” for 45 minutes in bumper-to-bumper traffic? Maybe you’re a proud parent of an Honor Student, but does anyone really care but you? Nope, and advertising that you have prepubescent children might not be the wisest thing you can do; pedos have licenses, too.
I know that you might see the pristine bumper of your Prius as a chance to enlighten those around you to your forward thinking liberal views with a “coexist” sticker. Yes, nothing says main-stream hippie tendencies like the most recent and modern incarnation of the peace sign. Never mind the fact that we all do currently exist simultaneously, making your sticker a bit of a moot point to make, but then we can all sense your smug self-righteousness every time we read it for 15 miles blasting down the freeway.
As far as social issues go, the most hilarious bumper sticker I can imagine is the presidential campaign stickers. Yes, let’s force your political position down the throats of everyone unlucky enough to get stuck behind you at a light. What’s worse is the stickers still affixed to cars after the battle has been fought and lost. Ever seen a Buchanan of Dukakis campaign sticker on an old Volvo station wagon? Priceless.
Ever present “follow me to Hooters” and other similar stickers present the more innocuous side to stickers, not to mention Grateful Dead bears, In N Out stickers, and just about any other restaurant or establishment. Maybe you really like Pantera or Pearl Jam, but dammit if you’re going to miss an opportunity to show off your fandom by passing on a perfectly good bumper sticker.
I have also never understood the rainbow flag sticker. Look, you can be gay and proud, and have it affixed just above the “No on 8” sticker, but with all the hate crimes in this country, do you really need to be testing fate in traffic where people have been shot and cars have been keyed for less? I’m just saying.
Then there is the infamous few vehicles that have more stickers than you can count to the point that the paint job, and often time the driver’s view, has been obscured with every imaginable sticker dating back ten years. A varitable collection of “where’s the beef,” “Big toys for big boys,” “Honk if you love tits,” and everything else under the sun. This is the holy grail of bumper sticker sightings and is often accompanied by a dented bumper either from a distracted driver rear-ending them or from backing in to one too many shopping carts and garbage cans due to minimal visibility. But hey, at least they’re getting their point across, right?
I’m all for stickers, if you choose wisely and carefully. It’s like a tattoo, make sure it’s something you’re gonna want to show off years down the road. Also, if you’re taking a road trip any time soon, I suggest scraping off the “steers and queers” sticker before you blast through Austin. They might not take to kindly to your kind ‘round there.
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Is it better to have Pwn’ed and lost, than to never have Pwn’ed a Noob at all?
Posted by Wes
There rages today a battle between three schools of thought in video game design. The gaming industry is a multi-billion dollar business. Studios bank hundreds of thousands of dollars, maybe millions, on the success of a title. It is imperative that a triple-A title make the money it needs to make, just simply to recoup money spent. Titles can spend years in development before seeing the first glimmer of light on the shelves. In this epic battle of art and commerce there are the three schools of thought to approaching the game modes a player experiences that can translate to big money and longevity in the player’s game library; single player campaign, co-op game play, and multiplayer.
I would love to go all the way back, to the beginning. This could be a ten page piece if I took the time to write about the genesis of games with competitive being one of the first apparitions of gaming via Pong. Could move on to Super Mario Bros., Contra, then to Goldeneye 007, and beyond. If I were a college student I could write my Master’s thesis on this complete history from one console to another, with a fair detour in to the PC gaming lifestyle of MMO’s, and all of the psychological conditions they feed in to, but you’re not reading this for that. Let’s be honest, I’ll end up covering those topics in their own time, and in their own essays. Today we seem to find ourselves battling with the specter of trying to please everyone all the time with titles that spread themselves thin over multiple playing types, doing none of these justice and leading to fatigue through watered down versions of what could have been epic games.
The single player campaign seems to be the one and future king of the gaming world. For years now we have seen the advent of multiplayer make this foregone style of gaming be ignored, or somehow left as an afterthought to just be a preface to great multiplayer modes. The single player mode is the place where a player can, and damn well should, become so immersed in a vividly designed world that every failure is crushing and every win is Epic. Deep inside of ourselves as people is this desire to overcome great odds. The psychology of setting our gaming character against seemingly unconquerable odds, the endless onslaught of men or creatures thirsting for our blood, or the great forces that are set to destroy our world, is what games are about at their very core.
A player becomes this character, a designed set of shoes for us to fill. The excitement and the crescendos of battle and winning chapters, or objectives, is what fuels us. A story, a truly compelling story on the level of oscar-winning scripts, compels us to move forward and to press on even though we might actually feel fear or adrenaline coursing through our veins. This is no spectator sport like watching TV or movies. In a single player campaign where we are the last hope, a survivor, or a License to Kill carrying badass, and we want to win. We desire to save our planet, or the girl, or just ourself. The single player campaign, when designed as perfect in it’s coding as in it’s artistic polish, is one of the most rewarding experiences a player can have.
What has come to the forefront of a lot of games, due in part to the online gaming technology of today, is multiplayer modes. This style of play saw it’s infancy, and in my opinion it’s pinnacle, with a game like Goldeneye 007. I argue that it is one of the, if not the, greatest video game ever created. Goldeneye showed us what putting more than two people on a map and setting them against each other can do; see
Deathmatch for details. Multiplayer went global with the advent of XBox Live and the like, pitting gamers on different continents against one another to award a top player. There are objectives, team play, head-to-head matches, and a dozen more game types. Today we see millions of people playing the likes of Halo, COD, and GOW, online at any time of day in any time zone. This playing mode has rewritten the codex for all-time great games.
We started seeing it with really the grandfather to all multiplayer games today, Call of Duty: MW. Halo did it, too, but not to the level that COD did it. These are two powerhouse franchises, Halo has seen it’s reign end with the final installment in the series, Reach, though we are set to see MW 3
released September 2011. The games in these series were defined by a balanced and exciting single player campaign, but achieved Epic status with the longevity and ingenuity of their multiplayer experience. Now after a few titles, people didn’t even really care for teasers or screenshots of the single player campaign, they wanted to hear about the multiplayer. There was a shift in compelling story and more attention paid to the multiplayer maps and upgrades. Whole teams of designers were assigned to just the multiplayer to get it right. I am betting 9 out of 10 people who bought Halo: Reach got online and played multiplayer Deathmatch before they even looked at the campaign mode.
Is this necessarily a bad thing? A shift of technology and game design has both fed in to, as much as it created, a desire for more interactive online gaming experience. Is it foolish to think that millions of players online are wrong for not wanting a better campaign mode? I don’t think this is the case. The downside to this is not that the multiplayer is hurting the solo campaign, but that everyone and their mother is trying to copy or one up the competition by shoe-horning in a multiplayer in to games that don’t lend themselves to one in the first place. Bioshock 2, Assassin’s
Creed: Brotherhood, the upcoming Rage; these games don’t need a multiplayer, but the masses have spoken, with their wallets, and they say that you need one or you go to hell. Hell, in this case, is the video game store as used copies for trade-in toward the purchase of a game WITH multiplayer.
I for one feel that multiplayer is not a mode that should stand by itself as a major selling point for a game. I am a story kind of guy. I want suspense, thrills, tension, and consequences, in my games. I want a world so immersive that I might check my corners entering a room because I just spent six hours doing it every time I kicked in a door. I want lines of dialogue to run through my head an hour after I’m done playing. I want the desire to get back in to the world as soon as my eyes can stand it and I don’t have that pesky thing called ‘work’ standing in my way of getting to the next checkpoint. Multiplayer is the mode that you go to after the story, a place where you can pick up where you left off in the story, or play it out in a different way than you did alone. Multiplayer does work in COD since it is a military blueprint of a game and it lends itself perfectly to killing more men and taking wins or objectives in the same manner that you did in the campaign mode, but this is one of few titles and genres that can facilitate this integral multiplayer that doesn’t feel bolted on for the good of sales.
What of the other mode I mentioned, co-op? This poor bastard child of gaming has not seen a lot of days in the sun recently. Few, very few, games embrace co-op play through a campaign, and even less often view it as a mode that can stand alone. Who wants to play with just one to four people when you can fight 32? Co-op finally got it’s due with the release of Portal 2. Co-op play has it’s very own campaign that operates completely separate from the single player campaign. It is it’s own 7-10 hour game where two people get the feeling of the Epic win in solving their way out of testing rooms as a team. Poor co-op has been bred in to multiplayer up to this
point in recent years, but with Portal 2, the best puzzle genre game of all-time and top ten overall game of all-time, co-op finally got it’s day in the sun. It is two people working together to complete a campaign together. Though many have flirted with it over the years, Portal 2 nailed it with a campaign all it’s own that is arguably better than just the solo campaign; the co-op actually improves on a stellar solo, which is almost unheard of.
There have been exclusively-multiplayer titles, but those have failed mostly. There isn’t enough story, enough background, enough foundation, on which to build a solid multiplayer people care about. Where does that story come from? Solo campaign. Co-op can further explore a world is a rewarding dynamic duo sort of way, enhancing the joy and wonder a player can feel as part of a two man wrecking crew. Multiplayer seems to have soured a lot of developers in creating a long and fulfilling solo campaign, Homefront showed us that. I think we need to realize that technology and creativity have finally reached an apex where one mode is no longer sacrificed for the sake of the other. We can have our cake and eat it too, even if the cake is all a lie.
The moral to all of this biased chin-wagging is that each of these gaming modes has validity in the industry. Each has it’s unique place as a way to further a story, prolong the longevity of a title, and to engage the player in a new way. You need the story, and the multiplayer can let us live it out longer, but you can’t rob Peter to pay Paul by welding a multiplayer to everything and mucking up the game on the whole by trying to do too much; and for God’s sake give co-op a chance. Could a little teamwork be such a bad idea?
Solo campaigns will always be my bread and butter, and what I think the cornerstone of a title should be, but multiplayer and co-op present a unique manner to get yet another fix of a world you were willing to save, even if it meant your life in the end credits.
History has shown that some of the saddest or most fulfilling moments are not when your name tops a leader board or you just prestiged for the 20th time, it’s when you die at the end, when your little sister is taken from you, or when you must conquer all odds to fend off the invading forces hellbent on destroying Earth and eradicating the human race. These are the moments when our skin prickles, our palms sweat, and our hairs stand on end. These are the moments players reload for, and they’re not found in the fucking Lobby.




The House, of Ill-repute, That Brown Built
Oct 25
Posted by Wes
Zero hour is approaching, leaving Whitman and Brown with no choice but to take off the gloves; they are also throwing low blows, elbows, and head butting in an effort to gain the upper hand. Both camps in the running for Governor of California have deteriorated from ads and speeches outlining what the can do for you to underhanded tactics of what the other candidate is willing to do to you. Whether it is inadvertent name calling, smear ads, or even the occasional cross-dressing bassist, both parties have been savvy in waiting until the summer to paint each other with brushes that should be reserved for undercard cock fight promoters and dog fighters.
Public debates have been held recently, the last of which was mediated by Tom Brokaw Tuesday Oct. 12, and so far the candidates have spent more time defending their respective scandals and gnashing teeth than speaking about serious issues and constructive plans; or at least that is what is grabbing the headlines. Debates have been mired by uncomfortable admissions, defense of past actions (or inactions), and apologies to one another or the California public for “unfortunate” or “inexcusable” choices. One of my favorite things about these debates is watching to grown adults dig at one another with thinly veiled backhanded insults, while rarely looking at each other as if their opponent is not 25 feet from them on a televised debate.
Whitman has probably had more of her own scandal than Brown. Whitman’s first hurdle was the explanation of her complete lack of a voting record coupled with the fact that she was not a registered republican until very recently. She did a very poor job of defending this saying she was too busy, moved around a lot, and remembers voting at one point, though proof of this was not forthcoming. Whitman then had to try and defend her ridiculous amount of personal expenses and contributions to her campaign, now in excess of 140 million dollars (a record for personal campaign donations), leading me to believe she cannot garner the public favor she needs in the form of donations, or she is simply not even trying to appeal to the public. Then there is the bad hyperlink in a twitter message from her campaign on the 18th this month that linked readers to a mildly traumatic youtube video of what appears to be a cross-dressing man playing a bass guitar to some Asian pop song; http://bit.ly/bNCAV, wow Meg, epic fail.
Until after the primaries Brown was almost completely inactive in his campaigning like some meditating monk biding his time. He had little funding, had not officially filed the paperwork to run for Governor and seemed to not even know what was happening while people like Campbell, Poizner, and Newsom came and went. Jerry did have the incident of secretly recording a conversation with a reporter, which a staff member copped to and stepped down in an act of deflection and contrition. Brown spent the early part of the race not doing anything, since he had no real opponent on the democratic side, outside the self-destructive philanderer Gavin Newsom, and just watched as Whitman defiled Poizner every chance she got going in to the Primaries on radio, TV, and junk mail campaigns. He has been totally Ninja in waiting for the right moment to conjure up his arsenal of weapons and overwhelm Whitman in the final months, leaving her well-paid staff to scramble for a shred of ground to stand on.
More recently the bar has been lowered with awful and degrading TV campaign ads with each candidate chopping the legs out from under one another. One accused of raising taxes, the other wanting to destroy the central delta, and another basically accusing Meg of selling out our kids for eliminating capital gains tax for the rich. What more it is not even intelligent rhetoric or BS. All the ads are color coded and designed to leave you with little information but carefully crafted words which out of context mean almost nothing. Ads throw a ton of information at you and even if it may be wildly misleading they are almost all within the legal rights of the candidate despite being inexcusable and unconscionable. Gurus whip up quick and flashy ads with appropriate toning and music accompaniment. Think I am off? Watch any ad on youtube and you will find dark colors, black and white pictures, and foreboding during the accusations, but when it cuts to the ads sponsor the lights come up, everyone is smiling and even fonts may change to show more eloquence and humanity in an ad; like the candidate lives in a warming filter with baskets full of kitties and their opponent eats babies in the night to keep poll numbers high in the rural counties.
Brown’s camp took the morally gray area lead by dropping the bomb of the illegal immigrant that worked for Whitman for nine years; this has rocked her camp, being that she has taken no prisoners with her position on immigration. Enter the charming Gloria Allred, a professional phlyarologist known for salacious and shocking defense of some of pop culture’s most questionable characters. Known for her association with cases like OJ, Michael Jackson, Robert Blake, Scott Peterson, and not to mention the Catholic Church sexual abuse cases; Gloria has made a name for exploiting her pulpit as much as defending the almost indefensible. The moment she stepped up and put her client of television to point her out as an illegal alien with no thought to her possibly getting deported or jailed, Gloria stamped this circus with her seal of “ridiculous.” I am convinced that deep inside Allred is a greasy, portly ambulance chaser from Brooklyn ornately decorated in gold jewelry and an ill-fitting suit with a law degree from a fly-by-night online University, trying to break out; think Danny DeVito in The Rainmaker.
Brown stumbled in to another classless move after the immigrant fiasco in the form of another private conversation caught on tape. After leaving a voicemail for a union representative Brown and his advisors thought the call had ended…it had not, and during a private conversation an as not yet revealed campaign member suggested that Whitman was a “whore” in reference to her willingness to do anything for a union endorsement. Brown was heard saying he was willing to go along with calling her that. (would that make the Governor’s Mansion “The Best Little Whorehouse in Sacramento” if she wins, and her Dolly Parton in this scenario?) If Whitman were a male candidate this would have been laughed off without a second thought, being that she is a “she” he apologized for his comment at the most recent debate which fell on deaf ears. Whitman took the opportunity to skewer Brown saying that it was not about her, it was that the California people deserved better than name calling and slurs. Her campaign issued a statement when the recording was turned over to Whitman’s team by the union rep, saying that the word and context was an affront to not only Whitman but all California women; what this comment had to do with housewives in Temecula I will never know. Despite this egregious, albeit cathartic foible, Brown is somehow leading Whitman in a very recent Rasmussen poll 50% to 44% of likely voters; either “whore” hasn’t retained its hutzpah in our age or all too many of you agree with the sentiment.
I don’t take an issue with this comment and have no problem with the Brown camp calling her a whore in a private conversation. I would not have a problem if Whitman called Brown an asshole or a mean old fucker, privately. Why does this not matter? They are private conversations amongst team members and vilifying the enemy is an act of bonding for a cause. I am sure the candidates think things much worse than what we hear. When I was coming up as a little tike I played little league baseball and we had one opponent that was sponsored by Fuddrucker’s Restaurant. Amongst our pre-pubescent teammates we called them “Ruddfucker’s” as a way to laugh, emasculate them, and bolster our confidence. Am I equating these politicians with 11 year old children or vis-a-versa? No, but it’s a convenient correlation is it not?
Political campaigns all start out the same with civility and never directly addressing one candidate or another, but they quickly degrade in to English duels with one candidate walking up, slapping them with a glove, and challenging them to a match of pistols in the form of late round debates. But what we are seeing here in California, and to a greater extent across America in so many races, is a race that has degraded in to an illegal bare-knuckle fight in an abandoned parking garage, or maybe it’s more of a bum fight in a urine stained Skid Row alley over a porterhouse. From campaign start to finish candidates today seem to be devolving from upright walking homo-sapiens to the level of poo-chucking apes; I would go even further and suggest that if you look hard enough at a mid-term election circa September humanity will discover the long sought “missing link” with a American flag pin in its lapel.
What does this say about us? Well, we love a good show, shocking moments and sub-human behavior; look no further than our fascination with Jersey Shore. In these closing weeks all over the country campaigns are firing off both barrels to sabotage their opponents. Pundits are criticizing and scrutinizing for the good of their party, and Obama is doing all he can to save the party majority…though we are only one band away from relegating this majority to the past tense (and maybe it’s for the best). With Whitman and Brown it is just another race, but this one is for the 8th largest international economy and the most populous state in the union at a pivotal time; you think they would keep the name calling to a minimum given the gravity. Either way you go, with liberal Jerry Brown or the newly minted conservative Whitman, someone is going to have some buyer’s remorse, but as time dwindles down and the candidates get desperate the show is nothing more than a couple of people hamming it up, wild-eyed grins on their sweat soaked faces doing a frantic version of the shuffle in stolen tap shoes.
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