Look at This F-ing Guy #59

Who bites the hand that feeds

Below is a series of tweets in response to a press request sent by my editor only a few days ago. The press request was a standard request for a pre-show interview and passes to shoot the show for a review, or so I thought. We got the interview, but apparently the request for press passes is some kind of “angle.” I’m getting ahead of myself though.

The artist did not call myself, Poppycock, or DisarrayMagazine out by name; hence, why I’m not calling this person out. Whether cowardly or respectful to not put our publication on blast, I will return the favor. I own everything this artist has ever made, and because I liked him so much, I have also become a fan of the label, buying almost everything by everyone on the label, and getting my t-shirt quota filled at his storefront. What I’m saying is: I’m a FAN.

I'm no better at this than THIS guy? P.S. You see my logo here? Nope.

We give u a press pass so u can put ur logo on pics of us & upload parts of our show to YT? What a deal! Our fans’ll take care of that, thnx

Then why even do the interview? You want the coverage, but only on your terms. You seem to think that the skills of your fans are on par with those of a trained photographer and semi-seasoned writer? Okay, I’m not Noam Chomsky over here, but I like to think that I can compose an article more articulately than, “Show wuz off the shizzle! Fuckin’ rocked it, bro! Love your shit!” Also, I am pretty sure I can out shoot a 14-year old kid with an iPhone, given half a chance. 

I don’t slap a logo on my photos. Period. I know this is SOP for a publication, but the writer/photographer doesn’t decide whether a logo gets slapped on anything. For me, it has always distracted from a photo, but I just work here, bro. Then again, don’t you slap your name on everything under the sun to promote yourself? So, what? Are websites not allowed to promote themselves in a similar manner? It’s not the same thing, but it’s close. I’m just saying that I’m better at what I do than the average fan, and we need fans at our site, too, so at least reserve judgement until you see the care I bring to my work. 

In the days of ‘zines, show reviews held value because they’re the only way you’d know how a show went unless someone you knew attended.

“In the days of ‘zines”? Correct me if I’m wrong, but it is still the days of magazines, sir. Have you heard anyone ask, “Whatever happened to magazines? I miss those.” They are everywhere, and they aren’t all terrible publications. 

Not to toot my horn, but I freelance for a website which averages 30,000 hits a month. I am beginning to develop a tidy sum of hits on this blog, too. They seek us out to discover new things and read our articles. No one goes to Jimmy Joe from Topeka for their cultural queues. I have a platform. How many people can Joe Blow reach on FB? Maybe 300 friends? Well, most of them probably won’t read his show review “note,” so let’s say about 100 people. If you do a show in LA for 300 people, then they will reach a potential audience of 30,000…Hmmmm. This leads us to the next tweet…

These days, when websites & writers ask for “press passes” to review a show, I can’t see the benefit. Oh…post-show promo? Cool angle, bro.

…”I can’t see the benefit”? 30,000 hits? I am worth the tweets, YT posts, and FB photo albums of one packed venue. Me. One guy. That’s my “angle.” I am doing this as a writer who will reach people. You know, new fans, the thing everyone wants as much as Jimmy Fallon seems to think they like extra cash back, but if you don’t want the coverage I will happily relax at home with my girlfriend instead of agonizing over my thesaurus at 3AM to do justice to your show.

Hey, I get it. You’re big time. You’ve been all over the world and done shows on every continent but Antarctica. You have almost 30,000 Twitter followers. You are established like the monolith among the monkeys; Stanley Kubrick is directing your shit, but you gotta snap at the hand looking to feed you? Call me crazy, but despite the fact that you’re a juggernaut of self-promotion, I am betting you’re not exactly beating the ‘zines off with a stick.

You can have your fans do your work. They will even pay for the privilege, but I’m not charging you either. I am a fan that can “take care of that,” asking only for the free entry and press pass to do it better than anyone else in that room. You might like the taste of blood, but slow down Gandhi, you’re killin’ ‘em. 

As of publishing this, I have deleted these retweets from @myownfalseidol to protect the identity of this rapper, but mostly to protect me from being drawn and quartered on FB or Twitter. Frankly, he and his fanbase scares me. Seriously.